With statistics staring in your face and divorces happening left right and centre, is marriage becoming obsolete? I don't think so, though I would argue that marriage has changed, or indeed, expanded, in its form.
1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.
Women just like men listening.
2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.
3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.
If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.
4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.
Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.
5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.
These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.
5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.
Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.
Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)
