I've recently moved into UTown. I realised that I'm new to the living standards here.
First of all, food. It's compulsory to subscribe to "meal plan" over here, and yes, it's slightly pricey ($4 per meal, for breakfast and dinner). Several people have complained that the food is horrible, "cheat-money", "the same everyday"... Students have 4 cuisine choices - Western, Chinese, Malay, Indian, and noodles (I count this under Chinese). To be honest, I haven't the opportunity to be eating this portion and variety on a daily basis. I look forward to meal times every day. There's not just one meat, but two meat every meal for the Chinese cuisine, and there's chicken drumstick in the Malay and Indian food every day. It's not oily, or salty (I think they cut down on salt lately, which is good). For Chinese food, there's veg protein and veggies. I actually feel very blessed living here. And there's free flow of fruits (students, don't take more than your deserved share!), soup, salad and rice. There's coffee, tea and milo every day and night, and cordial (ok I'm not such a big fan of this). $3 for the main course, $1 for the extras. It's not that expensive to warrant one talking about this on a daily basis, is it? I have to agree that $4 for breakfast is extremely expensive, especially when there's no free flow of milk and cereal
Second, food again (and toiletries). I've also noticed that there are students who are eating expensive potato chips, a bag enough to fund a whole day of food expenses. The toiletries that they use are exotic-looking (and expensive-looking) non on-the-shelf commodity. Lucky students. Many are also drinking Starbucks. One starbucks is enough to pay for my one-day expenses as a student of NUS.
Third, hot showers. Singapore is a tropic country. It rains sometimes. Other than that, weather's pretty hot and humid. There are students who shower with hot water on a daily basis. Perhaps the feeling's good, but a better reason would be that they're used to showering with warm water. It's quite a luxury not to be watching electricity bills. Maybe that's the new middle-class norm - warm showers. And blowing dry one's hair with hairdryer. Is that a middle-class norm?
Fourth, waste. Students are wasteful. They throw away whatever food they cannot finish. I think food doesn't come by easily. I'd like to think of Indonesian farmers every time I eat, and make sure no rice grains are left (unless I'm extremely full). It's a social crime to leave even a single grain of rice on the plate in Indonesia. At least, that's what I'd learnt when I was there.
Fifth, not being civic-minded. I am most appalled. Students choke up toilet bowls with tissue paper, pour solids down the pantry sink and choke it. Sinks and toilet bowls are often choked. I think it's unfair to blame the contractors/builders or the cleaners for doing an unsatisfactory job. These students assume people will clean up after them. I do feel sorry for the cleaners. Once, there was a cleaner who was so angry and started shouting at me. Her eyes were going teary. She told me not to choke toilet bowls (goodness, it's not me). It's a tough life for them, is it not? While some cleaners are very proud of their children who made it to university, many do not have children doing well in the society (middle-class income, I mean).
I'm sometimes reminded of the movie Gattaca, where the male lead fakes his identity to work in a top firm. His world was genetically-stratified. He hides himself and blends in, making sure no traces of his imperfect DNA is left behind. I feel this way many a time in university. Expensive bags, expensive clothes, expensive food all around me. My reasons for not indulging in consumerism are increasingly convincing - environmental harm is my latest. And it's true. Switch off your aircon!
I hope there are more who are camouflaging here, like myself. I hope the university is not just a place for people who are living a comfortable life and still complain life sucks. I'm sure the university has created new norms for everyone. For some, yucky food. For some, really fantastic food. For some, a constant struggle to get to the front of the bell-curve. For some, life's last playground.
Postscript: I've been employed lately by the university as an intern, and this I'm extremely grateful for. [I'm not on a bursary and living on campus for free; I'm working.] Thank you, Provost Tan Eng Chye, Vice-Provost Tan Tai Yong, Choon Hwee (my friend who made all these happen), and Clarence Seow who is always supporting me. Thanks to Bridget and Haza and Yoga and Veera who supported me, defended me, and tided me through the most difficult period of my NUS life (in fact, the most difficult period of my life when I came under public scrutiny). And thank you Prof Malcolm Murfett, who is always asking if I'm alright when I'm in a daze thinking deeply about past incidents.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
"Progress is always good!" Agreed?
No, if they are not organic.
This is a statement brought up in one of the debates I've had this term. I refuse to believe so, because the definition of progress is fundamentally relative.
Tear away my favourite buildings to build greater, taller ones. This could happen to NUS. I have to admit there's nothing warm and fuzzy about NUS except the people, and you are entitled to your differing opinions.
But here goes: "If being Western is seen as progressive, we should all follow, because progress is always good!"
Yes, in that people who choose to be "Western" are happy. It's tough to live up to social pressure though. Especially for people who consciously choose not to change their belief systems, or people who are forced to do so.
Cultural Imperialism, is this?
Having said so much:
1. It's futile - imperialism happens all the time; subjugation of culture happens all the time...
2. It's a post-modernist view of mine - perhaps I would think differently if I were living in the 15th century
But really? Is progress always good?
This is a statement brought up in one of the debates I've had this term. I refuse to believe so, because the definition of progress is fundamentally relative.
Tear away my favourite buildings to build greater, taller ones. This could happen to NUS. I have to admit there's nothing warm and fuzzy about NUS except the people, and you are entitled to your differing opinions.
But here goes: "If being Western is seen as progressive, we should all follow, because progress is always good!"
Yes, in that people who choose to be "Western" are happy. It's tough to live up to social pressure though. Especially for people who consciously choose not to change their belief systems, or people who are forced to do so.
Cultural Imperialism, is this?
Having said so much:
1. It's futile - imperialism happens all the time; subjugation of culture happens all the time...
2. It's a post-modernist view of mine - perhaps I would think differently if I were living in the 15th century
But really? Is progress always good?
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The NUS training
I'm not speaking for all NUS students. In fact, it's hard to find out whom I'm speaking for.
NUS trains its students like a soldier. I almost said, we're not treated like soldiers, we're treated like machines. Machines who have a life, who have feelings, who are expected to perform or be chucked away.
Another view: You can slack your way and graduate. You can also enjoy your life here with heaps of school activities. You have lots of freedom. My department takes attendance of students for every tutorial class though. They care for students, and hope that students are not skipping class because they have other issues eg family problems, to attend to.
Deadlines are a common occurence. We're expected to know everything, do everything. We don't get to choose our fuel. If we're running on V-power, i.e. the professor/lecturer is jaw-drop amazing, you're lucky. Even so, you're not so lucky because the best professors have the best students and you're expected to be at tip-top conditions. NUS students are expected to be optimal at least for 16 hours a day. Perhaps the National Service conscription had something to do with it.
Another view: Yes we have continuous assessment. They are endless, and difficult to score sometimes. Students who are in this system seem to be able to go and keep going. Never-say-die, even though they constantly say "Die (lah), Die (lah), tomorrow need to hand this in. How?"
We don't get away with memorizing. BUT we can't get away without memorizing either. We have to memorise, synthesize new knowledge as soon as possible, and make sense of everything. There aren't many professors who understands that students cannot do everything. It's expected of you. If you can't speak out in class, write potent arguments on forums, present yourself with flair during projects, no one will save you. That's the power of the bell-curve. Individuals are treated as individuals, as particles, as machines. If you're a good machine, any kind of oil produces the best quality stuff.
Another view: It's a rigourous track. Sometimes people say it's more difficult than Oxbridge... But you learn something. Arts students are (I hope) well-trained for any setting.
This reminds me of the industrial revolution when people had to work so hard to achieve nothing in the end. Students cannot wait to graduate. How much of a hellhole is this?
Another view: I'm in Year 3. Students will miss this place only after they graduate because the working world is so much worse.
I know of this guy. He wrote a wonderful paper, and wrote to his professor to tell him that the professor had covered too much content for the question, in class, and the professor is stealing his ideas. The professor writes back telling him not to be lofty in his ambitions, and implied he liked something more orthodox. So he rewrites his paper, and submits an orthodox paper with a standard view that the professor would be expected to like. This morning, the professor stated in class that he wanted something "that differentiates you from the person next to you". "If you don't take risks now, then when? You can't be taking risks in the workforce."
Another view: Work within limits. Don't think too far ahead. You're not a PhD student, so behave like an undergrad. One who shines.
QUESTION: ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO TAKE RISKS IN NUS? Because it affects the CAP (cumulative average point).
He broke down in class quietly, and stated that he had taken the module because he thought he would do well, despite the fact that he had completed his requirements for Year 3. He wanted to drop the module just for an essay, just because he could potentially get a B+, or even B, for his paper. He needed a 0.2 increment in his CAP score, and he couldn't risk anything.
Life in NUS is a game of life and death. People had started studying since 3 years old. They could sometimes quote amazing stuff at a tender age. Of course, humans can't be good at everything, but if you're not good in studies, people tell me "Singapore hasn't room for you".
Another view: You could choose another path, but any other path is usually frowned upon. Success is a big thing here in Singapore.
Reminds me of the Russian Roulette. Little did people know that this NUS game is a game of luck. If there are really brilliant people in your class, you're dead. If you do fall ill, you're behind. It's difficult to catch up.
I have moved away from home to avoid my family. They are a lovely bunch of people, but they're so lovely I end up talking to them a lot. I have to focus, read, and work. But they keep me sane. Blogging keeps me sane. And crimson keeps me very sane.
Yes I'll miss my friends, I'll miss the fantastic library, the wondrous facilities, the professors (a few only), but we can't wait to graduate. Life kinda sucks here.
Another view: No it doesn't. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
NUS trains its students like a soldier. I almost said, we're not treated like soldiers, we're treated like machines. Machines who have a life, who have feelings, who are expected to perform or be chucked away.
Another view: You can slack your way and graduate. You can also enjoy your life here with heaps of school activities. You have lots of freedom. My department takes attendance of students for every tutorial class though. They care for students, and hope that students are not skipping class because they have other issues eg family problems, to attend to.
Deadlines are a common occurence. We're expected to know everything, do everything. We don't get to choose our fuel. If we're running on V-power, i.e. the professor/lecturer is jaw-drop amazing, you're lucky. Even so, you're not so lucky because the best professors have the best students and you're expected to be at tip-top conditions. NUS students are expected to be optimal at least for 16 hours a day. Perhaps the National Service conscription had something to do with it.
Another view: Yes we have continuous assessment. They are endless, and difficult to score sometimes. Students who are in this system seem to be able to go and keep going. Never-say-die, even though they constantly say "Die (lah), Die (lah), tomorrow need to hand this in. How?"
We don't get away with memorizing. BUT we can't get away without memorizing either. We have to memorise, synthesize new knowledge as soon as possible, and make sense of everything. There aren't many professors who understands that students cannot do everything. It's expected of you. If you can't speak out in class, write potent arguments on forums, present yourself with flair during projects, no one will save you. That's the power of the bell-curve. Individuals are treated as individuals, as particles, as machines. If you're a good machine, any kind of oil produces the best quality stuff.
Another view: It's a rigourous track. Sometimes people say it's more difficult than Oxbridge... But you learn something. Arts students are (I hope) well-trained for any setting.
This reminds me of the industrial revolution when people had to work so hard to achieve nothing in the end. Students cannot wait to graduate. How much of a hellhole is this?
Another view: I'm in Year 3. Students will miss this place only after they graduate because the working world is so much worse.
I know of this guy. He wrote a wonderful paper, and wrote to his professor to tell him that the professor had covered too much content for the question, in class, and the professor is stealing his ideas. The professor writes back telling him not to be lofty in his ambitions, and implied he liked something more orthodox. So he rewrites his paper, and submits an orthodox paper with a standard view that the professor would be expected to like. This morning, the professor stated in class that he wanted something "that differentiates you from the person next to you". "If you don't take risks now, then when? You can't be taking risks in the workforce."
Another view: Work within limits. Don't think too far ahead. You're not a PhD student, so behave like an undergrad. One who shines.
QUESTION: ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO TAKE RISKS IN NUS? Because it affects the CAP (cumulative average point).
He broke down in class quietly, and stated that he had taken the module because he thought he would do well, despite the fact that he had completed his requirements for Year 3. He wanted to drop the module just for an essay, just because he could potentially get a B+, or even B, for his paper. He needed a 0.2 increment in his CAP score, and he couldn't risk anything.
Life in NUS is a game of life and death. People had started studying since 3 years old. They could sometimes quote amazing stuff at a tender age. Of course, humans can't be good at everything, but if you're not good in studies, people tell me "Singapore hasn't room for you".
Another view: You could choose another path, but any other path is usually frowned upon. Success is a big thing here in Singapore.
Reminds me of the Russian Roulette. Little did people know that this NUS game is a game of luck. If there are really brilliant people in your class, you're dead. If you do fall ill, you're behind. It's difficult to catch up.
I have moved away from home to avoid my family. They are a lovely bunch of people, but they're so lovely I end up talking to them a lot. I have to focus, read, and work. But they keep me sane. Blogging keeps me sane. And crimson keeps me very sane.
Yes I'll miss my friends, I'll miss the fantastic library, the wondrous facilities, the professors (a few only), but we can't wait to graduate. Life kinda sucks here.
Another view: No it doesn't. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Is marriage becoming obsolete?
With statistics staring in your face and divorces happening left right and centre, is marriage becoming obsolete? I don't think so, though I would argue that marriage has changed, or indeed, expanded, in its form.
1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.
Women just like men listening.
2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.
3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.
If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.
4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.
Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.
5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.
These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.
5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.
Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.
Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)
1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.
Women just like men listening.
2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.
3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.
If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.
4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.
Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.
5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.
These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.
5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.
Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.
Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Influence of Facebook on Relationships and Social Pressure
It puzzles me when people declare their relationship status on Facebook. It's all well for the declaration of love to the entire world, but if anything untoward happens in the relationship, the whole world would know too. I'm not here to discuss whether you should or should not do that. I'm discussing how Facebook has changed the psyche of love.
"I'm in a relationship with X."
Immediately, close friends would come to know a new friend. Speaking of which, should a person declare on Facebook first, or tell her best friends first?
"I'm single."
Alright. Is that a happy declaration, when people should say CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GOT RID OF THAT JERK!!! :D or should people say I'm really sorry to hear about that... ?
"I'm engaged."
This is by far the worst I've seen (or so I suppose). My friend declared this and wrote a big blog post on it. I saw it in May. It was an April Fool's joke.
So here's another friend of mine who posted engagement photographs. It's really amazing how I suddenly feel, "gahh, here's social pressure mocking at those who had been dating a long time." Having said that, I can't imagine my man popping that question. All's wonderful in love, but marriage is a different thing, is it? At the very least, it's legal, and it's more often unhappy. Of course, there are a few who claim they have a loving marriage. These are far and few, and they don't come by because they found their soul mate. They work hard, I mean, very very hard, to stay together.
All's well if the purpose of that marriage is to make babies. Women seem to have this maternal instinct to care for little cuties in life. Perhaps I would very much prefer taking care of babies than living with someone permanently, especially since the backdoor of divorce is now open. In the past, marriage had to work.
All's well. Divorces are good if the man's a wife-beating drunkard gambler or lazy bum. Should people part because of personality clashes? Or mistakes made by either party, either in finances or fidelity? Of course, trust, once broken, is considered sold.
Speaking of babies. They are also the make or break elements in relationships. If the parents fall out, they suffer. And they aren't easy to care for, especially since offsprings HAVE TO BE smart, and if they're not, the parents are responsible.
How about "I'm married to X."
Some trivialise Facebook in that they can be married to different people every week, and whom they are married to are good friends. It is very often a lesbian-relationship because girls like to declare they are married, no matter to whom.
The transition from engaged to married isn't huge. It's a definite CONGRATULATIONS!!! and we're all expecting it. Then again, we really don't know if it's a congratulations, do we? Love is like a dream; marriage is the alarm clock.
No offense to those who are married. I might be there, someday, if a black-swan event occurs and the man pops the question. I, for heaven's sake, wouldn't know how to react, especially if I haven't made up my mind. It's all a leap of faith. God bless that one doesn't fall into the deep abyss. Divorces are painful. I can totally imagine it. The man whom you knew with all your heart, the most wonderful man on Earth, could do so much to hurt you. That's a horrid idea, and it self-destructs.
Now, Facebook does not censor publications of status. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is my friend's boyfriend now. It's all too much to bear. The worst thing's the wall. Anyone can write: I hate you. Cursed be your woman. @the woman: he cheats; beware.
And that finishes it all off.
"I'm in a relationship with X."
Immediately, close friends would come to know a new friend. Speaking of which, should a person declare on Facebook first, or tell her best friends first?
"I'm single."
Alright. Is that a happy declaration, when people should say CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GOT RID OF THAT JERK!!! :D or should people say I'm really sorry to hear about that... ?
"I'm engaged."
This is by far the worst I've seen (or so I suppose). My friend declared this and wrote a big blog post on it. I saw it in May. It was an April Fool's joke.
So here's another friend of mine who posted engagement photographs. It's really amazing how I suddenly feel, "gahh, here's social pressure mocking at those who had been dating a long time." Having said that, I can't imagine my man popping that question. All's wonderful in love, but marriage is a different thing, is it? At the very least, it's legal, and it's more often unhappy. Of course, there are a few who claim they have a loving marriage. These are far and few, and they don't come by because they found their soul mate. They work hard, I mean, very very hard, to stay together.
All's well if the purpose of that marriage is to make babies. Women seem to have this maternal instinct to care for little cuties in life. Perhaps I would very much prefer taking care of babies than living with someone permanently, especially since the backdoor of divorce is now open. In the past, marriage had to work.
All's well. Divorces are good if the man's a wife-beating drunkard gambler or lazy bum. Should people part because of personality clashes? Or mistakes made by either party, either in finances or fidelity? Of course, trust, once broken, is considered sold.
Speaking of babies. They are also the make or break elements in relationships. If the parents fall out, they suffer. And they aren't easy to care for, especially since offsprings HAVE TO BE smart, and if they're not, the parents are responsible.
How about "I'm married to X."
Some trivialise Facebook in that they can be married to different people every week, and whom they are married to are good friends. It is very often a lesbian-relationship because girls like to declare they are married, no matter to whom.
The transition from engaged to married isn't huge. It's a definite CONGRATULATIONS!!! and we're all expecting it. Then again, we really don't know if it's a congratulations, do we? Love is like a dream; marriage is the alarm clock.
No offense to those who are married. I might be there, someday, if a black-swan event occurs and the man pops the question. I, for heaven's sake, wouldn't know how to react, especially if I haven't made up my mind. It's all a leap of faith. God bless that one doesn't fall into the deep abyss. Divorces are painful. I can totally imagine it. The man whom you knew with all your heart, the most wonderful man on Earth, could do so much to hurt you. That's a horrid idea, and it self-destructs.
Now, Facebook does not censor publications of status. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is my friend's boyfriend now. It's all too much to bear. The worst thing's the wall. Anyone can write: I hate you. Cursed be your woman. @the woman: he cheats; beware.
And that finishes it all off.
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