Check this youtube clip out if you've the time. I didn't feel very much for it. What fascinates me was:
1. He's from Singapore - Ah! We've a champion over here! :) In love too!
2. They were together for 2 years without having met - Respect to the guy (and the girl) for being faithful despite all that
3. THE COMMENTS - it's amazing; I never knew there were so many LDRs around!
As a person who have seen too much melodramas of life, I don't believe in LDRs. For a long time, not even in "happily ever after". And there's been a global problem, especially amongst first world countries:
People are spending less time with humans than with computers, this really could be the new norm. This threatens one of the longest traditions humans have - love. It's quite exciting to know that human behaviours are evolving with technology, even in this respect. Wasn't love supposed to be spending quality time, buying gifts, doing sweet things for each other, other than the obvious hand-holding? Human behaviors are evolving so quickly that children are typing faster and faster, processing stuff in their mind like computers, but ah, they're less able to interact with other children, especially in Singapore, for the lesser half of the society.
I do wonder if it's possible to father a child over Skype, assuming that nobody cheats. With the entering of credit card details, one can so easily buy gifts for the other party. My friend's friend in Australia bought my friend in India FLOWERS and got it delivered to her doorstep.
Perhaps one day, all our spouses would be online, since it's so much easier to live with someone when the person isn't around 24/7 to create situations with high tension or generate conflict. Perhaps life in reality is all work, from 3 years old when one gets into kindergarten to 23 years old when one is in university, and then work, and work, and work some more.
Perhaps the definition of family would be challenged, or redefined within the next 20 years. Maybe there would be creation of platforms where families can all come together in one single portal, like WhatsApp, and share their lives. Yeah, with the mobile phone, your family is just a call away.
Perhaps people could and would love more, with the rise of modern technology.
Perhaps cheating would be accepted in the near future - men cheating physically, women cheating emotionally, whatever. Perhaps computer skills and how one designs his/her facebook is more important than how one dresses up. Apparently, there are nice people desperately looking for "soul mates" and partners to date, but to no avail.
Whatever, I'm glad I found someone I really love, someone whom I wish (for now) to spend my life with.
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Is marriage becoming obsolete?
With statistics staring in your face and divorces happening left right and centre, is marriage becoming obsolete? I don't think so, though I would argue that marriage has changed, or indeed, expanded, in its form.
1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.
Women just like men listening.
2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.
3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.
If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.
4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.
Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.
5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.
These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.
5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.
Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.
Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)
1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.
Women just like men listening.
2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.
3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.
If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.
4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.
Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.
5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.
These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.
5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.
Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.
Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Influence of Facebook on Relationships and Social Pressure
It puzzles me when people declare their relationship status on Facebook. It's all well for the declaration of love to the entire world, but if anything untoward happens in the relationship, the whole world would know too. I'm not here to discuss whether you should or should not do that. I'm discussing how Facebook has changed the psyche of love.
"I'm in a relationship with X."
Immediately, close friends would come to know a new friend. Speaking of which, should a person declare on Facebook first, or tell her best friends first?
"I'm single."
Alright. Is that a happy declaration, when people should say CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GOT RID OF THAT JERK!!! :D or should people say I'm really sorry to hear about that... ?
"I'm engaged."
This is by far the worst I've seen (or so I suppose). My friend declared this and wrote a big blog post on it. I saw it in May. It was an April Fool's joke.
So here's another friend of mine who posted engagement photographs. It's really amazing how I suddenly feel, "gahh, here's social pressure mocking at those who had been dating a long time." Having said that, I can't imagine my man popping that question. All's wonderful in love, but marriage is a different thing, is it? At the very least, it's legal, and it's more often unhappy. Of course, there are a few who claim they have a loving marriage. These are far and few, and they don't come by because they found their soul mate. They work hard, I mean, very very hard, to stay together.
All's well if the purpose of that marriage is to make babies. Women seem to have this maternal instinct to care for little cuties in life. Perhaps I would very much prefer taking care of babies than living with someone permanently, especially since the backdoor of divorce is now open. In the past, marriage had to work.
All's well. Divorces are good if the man's a wife-beating drunkard gambler or lazy bum. Should people part because of personality clashes? Or mistakes made by either party, either in finances or fidelity? Of course, trust, once broken, is considered sold.
Speaking of babies. They are also the make or break elements in relationships. If the parents fall out, they suffer. And they aren't easy to care for, especially since offsprings HAVE TO BE smart, and if they're not, the parents are responsible.
How about "I'm married to X."
Some trivialise Facebook in that they can be married to different people every week, and whom they are married to are good friends. It is very often a lesbian-relationship because girls like to declare they are married, no matter to whom.
The transition from engaged to married isn't huge. It's a definite CONGRATULATIONS!!! and we're all expecting it. Then again, we really don't know if it's a congratulations, do we? Love is like a dream; marriage is the alarm clock.
No offense to those who are married. I might be there, someday, if a black-swan event occurs and the man pops the question. I, for heaven's sake, wouldn't know how to react, especially if I haven't made up my mind. It's all a leap of faith. God bless that one doesn't fall into the deep abyss. Divorces are painful. I can totally imagine it. The man whom you knew with all your heart, the most wonderful man on Earth, could do so much to hurt you. That's a horrid idea, and it self-destructs.
Now, Facebook does not censor publications of status. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is my friend's boyfriend now. It's all too much to bear. The worst thing's the wall. Anyone can write: I hate you. Cursed be your woman. @the woman: he cheats; beware.
And that finishes it all off.
"I'm in a relationship with X."
Immediately, close friends would come to know a new friend. Speaking of which, should a person declare on Facebook first, or tell her best friends first?
"I'm single."
Alright. Is that a happy declaration, when people should say CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GOT RID OF THAT JERK!!! :D or should people say I'm really sorry to hear about that... ?
"I'm engaged."
This is by far the worst I've seen (or so I suppose). My friend declared this and wrote a big blog post on it. I saw it in May. It was an April Fool's joke.
So here's another friend of mine who posted engagement photographs. It's really amazing how I suddenly feel, "gahh, here's social pressure mocking at those who had been dating a long time." Having said that, I can't imagine my man popping that question. All's wonderful in love, but marriage is a different thing, is it? At the very least, it's legal, and it's more often unhappy. Of course, there are a few who claim they have a loving marriage. These are far and few, and they don't come by because they found their soul mate. They work hard, I mean, very very hard, to stay together.
All's well if the purpose of that marriage is to make babies. Women seem to have this maternal instinct to care for little cuties in life. Perhaps I would very much prefer taking care of babies than living with someone permanently, especially since the backdoor of divorce is now open. In the past, marriage had to work.
All's well. Divorces are good if the man's a wife-beating drunkard gambler or lazy bum. Should people part because of personality clashes? Or mistakes made by either party, either in finances or fidelity? Of course, trust, once broken, is considered sold.
Speaking of babies. They are also the make or break elements in relationships. If the parents fall out, they suffer. And they aren't easy to care for, especially since offsprings HAVE TO BE smart, and if they're not, the parents are responsible.
How about "I'm married to X."
Some trivialise Facebook in that they can be married to different people every week, and whom they are married to are good friends. It is very often a lesbian-relationship because girls like to declare they are married, no matter to whom.
The transition from engaged to married isn't huge. It's a definite CONGRATULATIONS!!! and we're all expecting it. Then again, we really don't know if it's a congratulations, do we? Love is like a dream; marriage is the alarm clock.
No offense to those who are married. I might be there, someday, if a black-swan event occurs and the man pops the question. I, for heaven's sake, wouldn't know how to react, especially if I haven't made up my mind. It's all a leap of faith. God bless that one doesn't fall into the deep abyss. Divorces are painful. I can totally imagine it. The man whom you knew with all your heart, the most wonderful man on Earth, could do so much to hurt you. That's a horrid idea, and it self-destructs.
Now, Facebook does not censor publications of status. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is my friend's boyfriend now. It's all too much to bear. The worst thing's the wall. Anyone can write: I hate you. Cursed be your woman. @the woman: he cheats; beware.
And that finishes it all off.
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