love (and politics)

Such were the two things that inspired this post today.

After tuition, I headed home and it felt really good to be back. Everyone was around; laughed at my little brother's increasingly oily face (he's starting puberty, and by talking about it I help him transit), at my father's listening to radio and youtube stuff (he seemed to pay such attention to every word I said to him, it's really nice) and my mother (who told me about her work and asked if I wanted food).

And I thought about Clarence, and how blessed I am, to have found a man who makes life a heaven on earth, in every sense. He understands me, cares for me, surprises me, listens to me... He asked if I wanted to go catch a movie with him. I haven't done that, mainly because my lack of interest does not justify my ticket purchase. And I was so surprised, that he asked, even when exams are looming. So adventurous, though he seemed so mundane at first sight.

I thought about being a teacher, and that vaguely reminded me of the previous guy I dated. "Just another HDB light," he sniggers. Being a teacher is all too normal, it's becoming the 80%, the mediocre. But Clarence shares such a powerful insight.

Would you rather be born into an upper-middle class family, do well in school, find the love of your life, get married, have kids, get promotion in work, get rich, grow old, and die at 70, have lots of people remembering you... or would you rather be...

a slum kid, who often got beaten, had only an illiterate mother, who fights his way up the rungs of his realm, gain respect, get into drugs and quit, grow up, start a small business and fund his own university education, fails in business, then having tried many times, succeeded, gain prominence and got into politics, got married to the girl he'd been chasing for 10 years, child dies, and finally become the president of the State, then have an illness which renders him crippled, but nonetheless he continued and impacted the world greatly?

Some would choose the latter, but most would choose the former. There's a difference between happiness, and fulfilment. A difference between having a good/happy life, and a meaningful one. I had felt ashamed to become a teacher despite really passionately liking the experience, because it makes me "just another HDB light". That was also another thing my previous church taught - being a light on the hill. It's a tall order and not everyone attains it. Having found Clarence, I really don't care what others are doing. I'd rather be a happy person, HDB or not, than have a meaningful life without the immense happiness. I just met a friend who kept joking that he'd be the next prime minister. He, however, has a love-life problem. My question to him was: What's the point of life if you, having become the Prime Minister, has a dysfunctional home?

Brings me to my next point. Home. And freedom. I posted a question to Clarence, asking what would he recommend a person who desires freedom but also wants to settle down.

Birds are symbols of freedom. I wonder who first came up with that. If there were no branches, no place for the birds to rest their weary wings, they may even regret having wings to fly with in the first place. Perhaps true freedom simply means having a place you can return to...

I didn't agree at first, thinking that it didn't address the question of freedom. But it's legit. And maybe he's right. Love, and freedom, need no logical-mathematical reasoning.