How to raise your child cheaply and effectively for success in Singapore?

From my five years of teaching, I realised that it does not cost much money to ensure that your child succeeds in school. In fact, those students who top the class seldom have tuition. How to raise your child cheaply in Singapore and still ensure that he/she will be academically successful and will be a decent contributor in society?

From my experience, a child who pays attention in class, does homework without teachers chasing and never skips class would most probably be academically successful. If I have a word, it would be "ownership". Your child takes ownership of his/her own learning. How does this happen? Every parent wishes for that, but not every parent achieves it.

Before I move on, I would like to talk about the effects of ownership on the child's learning:

1. The child does homework without you or the teacher scolding or chasing
2. The child asks questions in school
3. The child does not make you pay for tuition lessons
4. The child will find ways to clarify his/her doubts without tuition lessons
5. The child will not only excel in academics, but will also excel in co-curricular activities

That sounds awesome. I have interviewed 5 top students per class and I found out that all the top students do not have over-bearing parents whose first priority is for their child to excel. No, these students all say that their parents do not require them to excel. 

Strange, isn't it? This means that if you continuously stress over the child's education, the child leaves his/her educational responsibility to you. It fuels a vicious cycle of tuition, nagging, anger and disappointment. 

Here are some quick tips

1. Choose a school suitable for your child

Ideally, the school/class enables your child to feel smart. Don't choose a school which will stress you out, because the teacher calls to say that your child is underperforming. If you had chosen wrongly, help your child build resilience. Remember, no adult wants to feel stupid on a daily basis, or work in an environment where they know they are the lousiest. Your child is the same. 

2. Choose what your priorities are, be consistent with it every day

These priorities must be values-driven, and each time you scold the child, repeat these values.

3. Build resilience, creativity and resourcefulness

Don't use money as the first resort to solve problems. Make your child think. Let them fail anytime anywhere, except in the values you emphasize. 

4. Show love, but never use love as a reward

Buy them food/toys, chitchat with them, bring them out, praise them, affirm them, be there with them, watch them play, hang out with them, eat with them, listen to them, humour them. This is important in upper primary and lower secondary. Get this right, and you will not have a difficult adolescent to deal with. It doesn't take a lot of money. You do not need to bring them overseas, buy expensive gadgets or sign them up for music lessons. Just love them, like how you dated your other half.

5. Choose a family environment that makes your child feel safe

Don't make the child feel stupid on a daily basis. Let them learn good values that you uphold. Let them know it's ok to fail and life is full of failures. Don't compare them. Don't give them unnecessary pressure to perform. Pace out their stress level. Suggest solutions to solve their mini problems e.g. friends bully me, I hate the teacher etc.

6. Be honest. Be very honest with them.

Don't say you have no money when you actually do. Tell them that you have the money but you don't see the need to spend it in the way they proposed. Tell them you are disappointed/angry/upset. Tell them that they are being a brat and this behavior just makes them difficult to love, and extrapolate the behavior in 10 years time, or re-enact the behavior that they are behaving for them to see/experience it. When you are busy, tell them you are. Don't overpromise. Don't underdeliver. Build trust. If you are in the wrong, just tell them that you didn't know better and you lacked information to make a good judgement. 

With these 6 tips, you should be able to produce an academically-competent child with ownership, because they will grow up realising the life is theirs, and if they don't do anything to get their act together, you are not going to be around to help. They will realise the life is theirs. If they know that, they will know what to do to excel. They will figure out a way.