Why is the person avoiding me?
This post is not restricted to boy-girl relationship, and is applicable to most relationships.
1. Space
We all need space to breathe. If the person is avoiding you, it usually means that the person is/was close to you. By making room to breathe, it could be:
a. for self-protection, from you - you are hurting him/her
b. for time to think about other matters - you are bothering him/her
c. avoiding a topic integral to the relationship - your care and concern cannot be reciprocated by him/her at the moment, though it's acknowledged
The person might need just time to do anything he/she wants/needs to do or retreat into seclusion to contemplate about life. For good or bad, the person could also be hiding things from you, or is buying time to think of whether to resolve or hide the issue from you
2. Resources
The person is trying to get more resources, or maintain his/her own resources. The latter means you are taking up either too much time or energy or emotional commitment. Even attention. The person could be needing more attention to be paid to other facets of his/her life. We are aware of the famous line which goes, "I'm earning more money so that you can live a better life." Acquisition of resources could be a reason, and if so, make full use of this opportunity as a milestone for understanding each other better, sharing burdens, and finding solutions together.
Rehabilitation after the time-out is most important in repairing the relationship. Be prepared to:
1. Listen (forget about defending yourself, or shooting down arguments. Listen carefully.)
2. Give in (the person needs time to heal, so giving in will lead to the person giving in)
3. Affirm (forget your ego/pride, and how hurt you are. Focus on the positive aspects of the person, and tell him/her that you are fine even if you are not)
4. Offer help (ask if there is anything you can do)
5. Move on (inject hope into the relationship, a possibility for something positive to look towards)
Once step 5 is fully achieved (the person is emotionally healed from the past event), evaluate your feelings and thoughts, and if there is any way you can share (not complain) your thoughts and feelings on the time-out. This is important for growth of the relationship and of both parties.
What if the person never comes back?
A closure is necessary. Approach the person when you finally cannot bear it (wait for a full week at least) to find out what's going on. When that happens:
1. Explain your concerns - why is the meeting important to you (appeal to logic and reasoning)
2. Share your thoughts and feelings (appeal to emotions)
3. Move on (there is nothing you can do, really)
This post is inspired by my tutee Kim Do Yeon.
