[ insights, interests, in transition ]

Long Distance Relationship: A Brave New World

2012-01-19T22:15:00.004+08:00

Check this youtube clip out if you've the time. I didn't feel very much for it. What fascinates me was:
1. He's from Singapore - Ah! We've a champion over here! :) In love too!
2. They were together for 2 years without having met - Respect to the guy (and the girl) for being faithful despite all that
3. THE COMMENTS - it's amazing; I never knew there were so many LDRs around!

As a person who have seen too much melodramas of life, I don't believe in LDRs. For a long time, not even in "happily ever after". And there's been a global problem, especially amongst first world countries:

People are spending less time with humans than with computers, this really could be the new norm. This threatens one of the longest traditions humans have - love. It's quite exciting to know that human behaviours are evolving with technology, even in this respect. Wasn't love supposed to be spending quality time, buying gifts, doing sweet things for each other, other than the obvious hand-holding? Human behaviors are evolving so quickly that children are typing faster and faster, processing stuff in their mind like computers, but ah, they're less able to interact with other children, especially in Singapore, for the lesser half of the society.

I do wonder if it's possible to father a child over Skype, assuming that nobody cheats. With the entering of credit card details, one can so easily buy gifts for the other party. My friend's friend in Australia bought my friend in India FLOWERS and got it delivered to her doorstep.

Perhaps one day, all our spouses would be online, since it's so much easier to live with someone when the person isn't around 24/7 to create situations with high tension or generate conflict. Perhaps life in reality is all work, from 3 years old when one gets into kindergarten to 23 years old when one is in university, and then work, and work, and work some more.

Perhaps the definition of family would be challenged, or redefined within the next 20 years. Maybe there would be creation of platforms where families can all come together in one single portal, like WhatsApp, and share their lives. Yeah, with the mobile phone, your family is just a call away.

Perhaps people could and would love more, with the rise of modern technology.

Perhaps cheating would be accepted in the near future - men cheating physically, women cheating emotionally, whatever. Perhaps computer skills and how one designs his/her facebook is more important than how one dresses up. Apparently, there are nice people desperately looking for "soul mates" and partners to date, but to no avail.

Whatever, I'm glad I found someone I really love, someone whom I wish (for now) to spend my life with.

Wahh! Millionaire! - Ministerial Pay cut

2012-01-18T21:10:00.007+08:00

I posted on 18 Jan. Today (27 Jan), I decided to include a link over here, which talks about free press and corruption, and I'm even more uncertain of Singapore's political future.

I couldn't resist myself from blogging about this, so here I am. I am POLITICALLY AGNOSTIC - I see individuals rather than parties, for good reason.

Chen Show Mao's debate in ministerial pay cut was fantastic. I heard some really unintelligent debates on the ruling party's side, and was disappointed. Disappointed because it didn't produce as many political eagles as they had decades ago. Disappointed because I do think its contributions - or track record - in Singapore, was admirable. Let me sidetrack and come back. Ms Grace Fu is most admirable, and here's why.

My mother, unlike most privileged NUS students' parents, is a cleaner, at PAP Kindergarten (PCF). She's old, weary, and aching everywhere. She's working after 18 years of housewife-ship, because Singapore's increasingly expensive to live in. I'm studying in NUS. My father earns less than $1.5k. My brother is in Poly. And my little brother (yes, I've a big family), is only 12.

Cut the long story short. Grace Fu invited staff of PCF my mother to her house during Chinese New Year last year. My mother was ashamed to turn up, but she did anyway, and she was accepted amidst a myriad of political hotshots at Ms Grace Fu's home. That to me was impressive.

What's more impressive. My mother, as a staff of PCF, had the chance to travel to a nearby island for retreat with Ms Fu. In my mother's words, "I was sitting around with other aunties, chatting. Grace Fu walked up to us, carrying a big plate of food, and served us, telling us 'Eat! Eat'. I was so embarrassed, and so were my colleagues. Fancy an MP serving food to cleaners... But she did it very sincerely, with a broad smile and enthusiasm..."

My mother tells me Ms Fu speaks good mandarin. That's quite amazing, considering that many undergrads now, not to mention the very educated, do not.

Every year, Yuhua would host some Chinese New Year celebration the Sunday morning after Chinese New Year week. She would always be there, EARLY, to shake hands with every old folk who queues up for free mandarin oranges and lucky draw tickets. And she does it excitedly and warmly. I know it cuz I've been there many times.

I do not know if she helps the homeless, jobless, or hopeless in my constituency. I do know she is a good MP in many ways.

Let me now come back. Should ministers be paid that much? Firstly, why the debate now?
1. It will never happen again. Once everything is set in stone, life moves on, and citizens can never influence ministers' pay again.
2. Privileges can never be withdrawn. The pinch is very, very great. It's understood. Who in Singapore likes pay cuts? "Kee Chew!" (Raise your hand! A tribute to our dear MG)
2a. Those who are new feel it less, but given the plans they have, just like the plans we all humans have about our little bonus end of every year, it's still painful.

I'm not here to say whether it should be further cut, or not. I'm still confused in that sense, though Chen Show Mao made a great case. The premise of a politician:
1. It's not for the money
2. It's the willingness, coupled with ability, to serve.
[3. They represent the people.]

Point 3 means that if politicians are paid that much, they cannot empathise with citizens' financial woes. But most politicians don't empathise with citizens' woes in this manner. Not Obama, not Aroyo, not Lee Hsien Loong. Let's delve a bit deeper.

THE SOCIAL CONTRACT
According to the Social Contract (which arose from Hobbes and Locke, and evolved since the Enlightenment era with Rousseau), citizens give up a bit of their freedom for order and security, and if ever, prosperity as a nation. However, it's very difficult to measure order in Singapore - it's a culture to be ordered! We don't need politicians for that now. Security? Singapore's very safe. Social security? Hardly any [AND IT'S A BIG PROBLEM.] Prosperity? Yes to the top 10% of Singaporeans, no to the lower 50%. The income gap is widening, and the median income of Singapore $2.5k. GNP per capita is $52,000. That's a problem. Singaporeans don't feel rich enough to support high paying ministers. The prosperity of the nation's secure though, but that's another business for another day.

No one would admit they join politics for money. No one with brains would join politics for money, because one's life is suddenly scrutinised, and that means wearing a mask every second which also includes your children performing well in school, lest he/she gets questioned by the public. Strange, but true. The good thing (and actually bad thing) about Singapore is that THERE IS NO FREE PRESS. So that's not so bad, as compared to UK or US.

But Singaporeans, being Asians, hate being publicly scrutinised, because of our Confucian-influenced culture (or Chinese cultures). That's still a big sacrifice to make. Let me add that there are endless people enticed by fame and glory, but those aren't all good. Even the best fall from grace sometimes, as my study of British Prime Ministerial history has proven.

So I'll leave a few questions here:
1. To what extent is the pay necessary to attract talents who are headhunted into politics, people who are capable, but shun politics because they hate the entanglements that come with "serving the people" (eg being publicly scrutinized, having to answer to the nation, etc)?Those who are USELESS AND THERE FOR FAME or money and produce nothing amazing, GET OUT.
2. How good are all our ministers and members of parliament? - Scrap the GRC to find out, and keep only the VERY BEST in the Cabinet. No Mas Selamat, No SMRT vandalism... Security of the nation should not be compromised, and keep people who genuinely want to (and have the ability to) serve the nation. Those who are USELESS AND THERE FOR FAME or money and produce nothing amazing, GET OUT.
3. Confucian tradition - To what extent is our politicians capable and virtuous? In medieval China, those who are CAPABLE (passed the imperial exams) and VIRTUOUS were selected as officials. They were respected, and therefore unquestioned.
3a. It's a question of faith - Singaporeans feel that our politicians aren't as fantastic as to deserve being paid that much.
3b. Assumptions like that aren't baseless. Truth is, Singaporeans are feeling compromised in their lives. Gone were the days of 1980s when Singaporeans felt like they were in the best country in the entire world - safe, clean, green, efficient, wealthy, morally upright.

Virtue - If politicians are virtuous, they would not take public funds for themselves. If politicians are virtuous, they wouldn't even need to be paid that much. Very unfortunately, to err is human, and the mass media makes a mistake really big, and virtue really small. Money's the only compensation. How much? I don't really know. But if you did read closely, I wasn't questioning how much they should be paid. I was questioning whether they deserve to be paid as much as they currently are.

Grace Fu is a good minister. I would close an eye if she's paid very highly (sigh, but I'll still accept it). But not all ministers and MPs are that good. My friend's constituency has a really incapable MP who couldn't help her and her family and she has to stop school to earn money for the family.
REMEMBER, THE SOCIAL CONTRACT - If you make sure citizens are happy, citizens will close an eye as to how much politicians are paid.

My school cut my hair?

2012-01-12T17:22:00.004+08:00

This post is dedicated to Mr Lee Hee Fock, teacher, Jurong Junior College (Singapore). He was a wonderful teacher in leading Civil Defence Club, and a quirky math teacher who taught math in lots of Chinese. He was also famous for "Ah, 你没剪头发!" (You didn't cut your hair!) We all know he was the Discipline Master of Jurong JC for a long, ... long... time.

Should schools cut students' hair? What are the implications?

Premise:

Schools should warn students of hair checks a few days in advance to ensure they get their hair cut
Students should be responsible to get their hair cut at their favourite barber
If hair isn't cut, schools should ask student to call his/her parents, and pass the phone to the teacher to talk after the student is made to confess that he/she hasn't cut his/her hair and obeyed the school rules
Schools should bring the student to the nearest barber to cut his/her hair - whether teachers should ask barber to cut it real short, the jury's out

No:

Human rights will be observed.
Singapore would slowly shift towards westernisation while abandoning its Confucian (respect your teachers') roots
Management of discipline would become increasingly difficult, as this rule has been in place for a long time. Schools would have to look at all disciplinary rules and revamp the entire system again. Should students be punished for not doing their homework?
There is also a sublimal question of whether the great divide between the lesser off and the better off would increase. Students like myself had learned discipline in schools, from teachers. And stuff that I had learned in school allowed me to rise in social ladder
Scrapping the school rule would also acknowledge students' rights to a greater degree beyond what the Singapore society would wish to cope with. This would further increase teachers' woes of having to deal with students.

Special concessions to students who are parents' gems/babies?

Should there be schools who market themselves as having students' welfare and interest at heart? If yes, is discipline part of having the students' future at heart?
Should students be sent to international schools (SIngapore has plenty of them) just to avoid the hair-cut?
Should schools allow long hair or coloured hair if parents write in to request for exceptions to be made?
Has MOE done enough to assure parents that students are WELL taken care of?

A lesson Singapore could learn

2012-01-05T08:20:00.004+08:00

This morning as I read the news I realised that Singapore is now accused of being inefficient. Many Singaporeans experienced the MRT train breakdowns, including my father, who was once trapped for 5 minutes. Even he couldn't stand it - it was hot, smelly, and stuffy. And lately, Singtel has failed in its 3G services. What do we make of all these?

1. Singaporeans are intolerant of the unexpected
Even myself. Risk-averse. But that isn't a real problem unless people choose to live elsewhere, say India or China, and they would find it hard to cope. Otherwise, Singapore's probably fine, except that breakdowns aren't our thing. At all. This is in line with Geert Hofstede's cultural index experiment. Singapore, to him, was not very tolerant of the unexpected. Lowest in line.

2. We're afraid to make mistakes
Singapore is such a utopia of sorts that it feels like life is good and polished. Mistakes are grave and severely condemned. Again, it's a Singapore culture. People expect perfection from us, so we are very afraid of making mistakes. The implication of this is that most people take the "common route" through life, get a stable job, and live alright. Very cautious, very stifling for creativity sometimes. If you've lived in Singapore long enough to know what "kiasu" and "kiasi" means (scared to lose; scared to die), then you probably would understand.

3. Actually, on second thought, we rather people make mistakes and own up
That goes back to my first point. Singaporeans are generally risk-averse and we don't like the unexpected. If you make a mistake, and it's actually unexpected, we actually rather you tell us, than to keep us guessing. However, the second point of us being afraid to make mistakes suggests that if we own up, we have faulted, but if we haven't and we manage to fix the problem instantly, then nobody will be bothered.

People are unhappy with the SMRT breakdowns and Singtel 3G glitches primarily because in both instances, there weren't any notifications to tell patrons that they are experiencing problems.

Then again, considering a perfect Singapore world where escalators aren't expected to breakdown, that you could accidentally leave your bag at the table and it would still be there... Maybe we could understand why they didn't say anything, because the "smaller people" like you and I needed to keep their job. The "big guys" up there would not hesitate to fire anyone if glitches happen.

If something's wrong, it's your fault. It's never a chance factor, or fate, or Black Swan. That's what the government has taught us through its 50 years in power. And learn we did. That is also aggravated by lack of free press. The world looks very polished. Everyone except ourselves is enjoying life.

*laments* To my students in the future, it is perfectly alright to make mistakes. Mistakes are sometimes worth making when they are spurred by creativity. When they are not, there's always a second chance. You make your second chance, in Singapore. You choose to define what success is to you. It doesn't always have to be money, especially if it doesn't bring you prolonged happiness. But I'm afraid most of people up there never really did make any mistakes we can see. But it's alright. They have their troubles and we have ours.

Wishlist , 2011?

2012-01-02T22:19:00.008+08:00

A post online is a potential folly. We learn from 2011 never to "Like" Kate Spade (Tin Pei Ling and her Kate Spade story), look tanned from having travelled when the entire country is freezing their bones off (in Britain, with respect to politicians), or in fact, like anything, online, especially if you're a politician. And be careful what you wish for. Libya got liberated, but it's quite unlikely they will progress to where they thought they were fighting for.

The year 2011 was very special because I came back with a fresh new perspective from India. I had the time of my life in NUS, having done modules which I love, and well, the grades aren't fantastic for MOE's standard, but we live on. 2011 was the first time I got called to a professor's office to be told I don't have to take life so hard upon my back. I don't need to carry people's burdens all the time.

2011 was significant because I lost my best friend. There's no way to get over it. If she were reading this, I would ask for another chance to atone for my sins face-to-face. But there isn't any chance to be given again.

2011 was the year I was first blacklisted on social media for writing a politically sensational issue. In fact, many. But the biggest was on the University Scholars Programme, and because I stood up for the lesser off people who had not $10,000 extra to spare to get into the scholars programme, I was slammed.

2011 was the year I thought I could get new best friends, but I can't. For many, friendship is about getting something in exchange for something else. Friendships without transactions don't last very long in university, from my own experience. They come and go like tides will never stay the same. And to my ex-bff who says that friends will be there for you always, truth is, they never are. No one will always, always be there for you. If you ever find a person like that, marry that person. He or she is probably god or god-sent.

2011 was the year I first moved into the campus. It was a roller coaster experience. From sneaking into B's room on weekends to staying with C because she knew I needed a place to study, to finally moving in and trying to avoid every single person in the block because I had earned some bad blood with them, was a mentally-challenging experience. But I live alright.
3.5 3.9 4.0 4.1

In 2011, I signed up as an intern for MOE, and I was chosen. I went teaching in a school near my house, and my, it was some kind of experience. I had a good time with my secondary two students whom I would never forget. The secondary threes are horrorful, to say the least. But I still was inspired by them because eventually I became their friends of sorts, when the most horrorful of all actually smiled at me and shook my hand after she won a costume contest. She's the type to scold strings of vulgarities without periods. And the other attention-seeking one told me his life story of how he got retained and his gang of bad influence left him behind. And because a million other reasons convinced me that the system had room for me... On a side note, in 2011 I've got the best students for tuition. They're from South Korea, and they show me a world so vast out there. I've learnt that Korean actually sounds like Chinese, how to make kimchi, how cosmetic surgery is a MUST in Korea. I just had to say this: In 2011, Kim Jong-Il died. And this: in 2011, the MRT in Singapore broke down and caused a big hooha in Singapore. In 2011, the General Elections of Singapore happened, and one GRC was lost to the opposition. In 2011, Lee Kuan Yew and Goh Chok Tong stepped down.

In 2011, I took on leadership role as a Youth Expedition Project Leader. I met a great bunch of really extraordinary people (from the good sense to the alien sense). I met the most extraordinary of leader, Mr Tan YH, who's all that I am not. So we were complementary in most sense. And for those who wonders whether there was any spark between him and I, NO, there wasn't. The first reason is obvious: he isn't my type, and neither am I his. The second reason is a better one: I found a more wonderful guy. In fact, to be honest, that's the most wonderful thing that happened to me in 2011.

It's been 9 full months of the same person. I've settled down, in that sense. He's most ordinary, and that's what makes him extraordinary. I don't know what I can say of him except that at this point in time, I feel that I've found THE person I could spend my life with. Honeymoon days never seem to end with him, sorrows never seem to last with him around. He was too cool and blur to have caught any of my hints. He asked if he could date me. I said yes to him because he wasn't nasty. I later found out he's better than my checklist. I chucked that sometime ago. I probably had the best times of my life in Singapore with him.

On tertiary educational facilities

2011-12-26T21:21:00.005+08:00

I wanted to lift quotes, but was afraid I might misquote, so I've attached the entire article below. The writer talks about how the Institute of Technical Education has much better facilities than that of Junior Colleges. This issue is of concern because it insinuates that ITE students (and implicitly, less academically-inclined students) cannot appreciate good facilities; if the government doesn't give the better students in Singapore better facilities, the lesser off students shouldn't have it either. The writer is right on his facts, but a little knowledge is often a dangerous thing. This article is also of concern because the writer has adopted a very biased stance, with his viewpoint of an ex-JC student, and failed to consider opinions of the other side. This is also the reason why Humanities is important - it teaches one how to construct persuasive and therefore powerful arguments. What are my thoughts?

1. Renovation always strives for progress
Many years back, ITEs were in horrendous shape, because Singapore was more rightist (and meritocratic) back in those days. Junior Colleges were under renovation about a decade to two decades ago. The government cannot be renovating JCs all the time, and thus started to pay more attention to the forgotten sector of the society. Wasn't that what all we Singaporeans wanted, to "ensure no one gets left behind"? Even communism couldn't ensure no one gets left behind, let alone capitalism infused with Confucian teaching (work hard, work harder, study hard, respect the educated).

It depends on many factors too. Apparently Raffles Junior College and Hwa Chong Institution are beautiful in every way (common perception). Even Jurong Junior College (a mid-range neighbourhood junior college) has a synthetic field and fully air-conditioned classrooms. When VJC is finally renovated, it probably looks pretty spectacular as well. So yes. It's commonsense. You can't renovate JCs, nor ITEs, every year. It's their turn now.

2. It's Technical training, not academic training
Across the world, science and engineering schools are always better funded than humanities schools. They need labs, equipment, etc. Whatever you call it. That's partly the reason why most funding are necessary. It's actually understandable that JCs don't get so much funding, because they aren't that necessary. You don't need 10 computer labs, 10 commercial kitchens, operation theatrettes, etc.

Students who graduate from ITE actually find jobs, and while university students think that a crap degree doesn't bring us anywhere (it's a Singaporean mentality), there are sectors who need the support of ITE grads. This is the sector which has seen a huge influx of foreign labour, having more to offer and asking for less [pay]. Another thorny issue here. They need training as JC students do.
-----

A more significant point raised is that the facilities are vandalised. While I'm not so sure whether VJC/RJC/HCI ever got vandalised with enigmatic, philosophical quotes on tables or sticky notes around the school inspiring dissent or love, I know even NUS tables are vandalised. Vandalism is a crime that should be condemned everywhere, and the point that they vandalised and therefore they don't deserve the facilities doesn't seem valid. Students are students, be they from the top or bottom. While NUS students cringe at vandalism, ITE students also frown at vandalism. If vandalism equates to undeserving, schools should be built like mental hospitals (no offense, but these hospitals are vandalism-proof to a large extent).

I do wonder if there's a political statement to be made by the fact that ITE students are given pretty lavish facilities. The fact remains that ITE campuses are used to a greater extent, by the public too, when they attend courses to upgrade their skills, like Mr Tan whom I met, who went for N Levels English Course at the age of 55.

Let he who has no money to afford the best private tutors, enrichment courses, or the most nutritious foods, and yet made it to the top, cast the first stone. Money allows one to avoid getting into ITEs, to a large extent. Money allows you to get to where you really set your heart on very often. Let's be more gracious, yes, our educational facilities across the country is good. There isn't any leaking roof on a daily basis, or excessive flooding. Check this post by Yee Jen Jong, a socio-political blogger and educator.

---------
Disparity in tertiary education facilities

by Kwek Jian Qiang (a JC student)

04:45 AM Dec 26, 2011

Singapore has often been accorded the honour of having one of the best education systems. Our students rank high in their scores, from mathematics to other subjects. There are, though, significant disparities in the quality of learning environments.

When my grandmother visited Singapore this year, one of her most striking comments was when she saw a sparkling, shiny Institute of Technical Education (ITE) "skyscraper" campus.

Her first impression was that, in such a quality school environment, the students would be the best and brightest in Singapore. It took me a while to convince her otherwise and her look of dismay was apparent.

Indeed, a question should be raised: In a system where people are rewarded according to merit, why are our best and brightest not getting the best learning environments?

I once attended a seminar at ITE College East. The interior was like a plush hotel: Sleek floors, plush lecture theatre chairs, high-quality tables - quality exceeding that found in our polytechnics and junior colleges (JC).

From the exterior, with an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a stadium stand, it looked like it was made for the Youth Olympics.

What saddened me, though, was the graffiti on the tables and chairs. Apparently, the students do not cherish what they have. Should any JC or polytechnic student have access to such quality facilities, I have no doubt they would appreciate it better.

There is a need to equalise government spending on school facilities. Campuses such as Anderson JC's and Victoria JC's pale in comparison to ITE College East's.

Our brightest students, who will become Singapore's future leaders, should get the best facilities in order to excel and grow. We should reward according to merit.

On military history

2011-12-25T01:17:00.003+08:00

As Admiral Alfred Thayer Mahan noted, “… defeat cries aloud for explanation; whereas success, like charity, covers a multitude of sins." That was the Battle of Hong Kong, a battle in which it was an almost clear victory for the Japanese, and a bloody loss for the British, but how ironic. They went ahead with the fighting.

And many battles are fought despite it being an obvious defeat on one side. In ancient times, war was fought with sticks and stones. Those were the times where giants (2.4m, maybe) were useful as military possessions. Samson and Goliath were such extraordinary giants.

Sticks and stones. When Albert Einstein was interviewed on how the Third World War would look like, he replied, "I don't know, but I know what the Fourth World War would look like. It would be fought with sticks and stones." [For people who are still blur, it means that the Third World War would have wiped out civilization.]

In military history, we learn about big guns, tanks, strategies, tactics, and while some evaluate the "how" (how did the defeat/battle happen), others examine the why. I came across a quote which says that morale is the most important thing in war. Some like Thayer Mahan of course prefer big guns and big ships (Mahan propagated the big surface fleet theory: humongous battleships as necessary to win naval wars). Some prefer strategies, like the Jeune Ecole (aka the Young School), which prefers submarines (cheap, stealthy and strategic, with aim to destroy shipment and cut supply). Of course, the Bushido spirit is what some scholars would suggest of the Japanese in the Pacific War. To date, I haven't confirmed if the bushido spirit is an imagined creation of an academic, or if it really exists. But yes, like a samurai, nobody surrenders. Fight to the last drop of blood.

Military history is also something where I closely examined black swan events (M.H. Murfett) and the imponderables. In the past, torpedoes failed to fire at the crux of the moment, or they bounced off the hull and u-turn! {oh my god!} Secrets leak out despite being encrypted in the best technology. Double spies, even triple spies, exist - people who help all sides and get paid by all, but has a higher risk of never living to a ripe old age, or always being on the run. Even alcohol and dinner parties made soldiers divulge TOP-SEC (top secret). Scharnhorst and Gneisenau (battleships) escaped right under their enemies' nose, and Prince of Wales and Repulse (that's right, the two battleships that were supposed to have safeguarded Singapore from its fall to Japan) sank. It therefore isn't too much to say that planning isn't all helpful.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

This is right though. However, there were cases in military history which planned to fail. Yamato (battleship) was one such instance. Fight a fleet of battleships in the Battle of Okinawa. It was designed to be unsinkable! And yes, the Japanese had not enough fuel to fight the enemy, so to be prudent, the fuel was only enough for a one-way trip. The question was why the best battleship which had existed wasn't used to defend. Its guns were really huge (72,800 tonnes at full load and armed with nine 46 cm (18.1 inch) main guns) and powerful, able to punch holes in other battleships. Of course, in many instances, the failure to plan results in failure. But planning isn't ever enough. Coming back to the Battle of Hong Kong. Did the Canadians and British plan properly before sending troops to Hong Kong? If they didn't, that's lamb to the slaughter. But it wasn't. But neither was it well-planned. Administrators were lousy, British did not warn the Canadians adequately, the Canadians thought the United States would enter the war and Japan would be defeated in no time. Best still, the sending of C-force could perhaps make the Japanese wet their pants and run away. Obviously they didn't. The battle lasted only from 8th to 25th December, and yes, while today is Christmas, let's take time to think about the surrender on Christmas Day.

Christmas. Island. When I googled Christmas Island, touring sites popped up. But no! What I had in mind was the testing of nuclear bombs at Christmas Island; how could there be humans, let alone tourists?! It was also a place where Britain had to make concessions to the United States because the latter was the superpower, and Britain, which owned the island and promised to ban nuclear tests, had to concede to the USA and allow nuclear tests.

To those who taught me military history, a big thank you. You know I haven't an idea what a breachloader was, or how a fleet carrier differs from an aircraft carrier, what T-34s were.

Lessons learnt

2011-12-20T23:54:00.002+08:00

This post talks about the things I've learnt and wish to transmit to my future students

1. The bell-curve: Singapore compares you to others, always
I knew I was getting an A-, how did it become a B+? It just wasn't possible! Admittedly I'm a new addition to the History community, and to say I'm here because of my interest is to say that Santa Claus wears black, is a transsexual, and steals from your house . I'm in this course not because I aspire to be a teacher, but yes, I do love the course now. However, I'm not educated, nor gifted in History. I just happen to be much worse at Psychology. And that was because others were much smarter. The bell-curve ranked me as not so good compared to others. How is it possible to create an environment for Singapore students to embrace learning and education when it's always about the A, always about fighting against the extremely many foreign student and doing much worse because they're much better? Because they score 100 marks, 90 becomes the cut-off for A. That's Singapore, and there's nothing I can do about it, except to join in any campaign to scrap the bell-curve.

2. The "A" grade: it doesn't matter whether you're kindhearted, diligent, totally gifted in communications, or have a flair for something irrelevant
Because the truth is, "A "students are also gifted in all of the above. They've a long list of accomplishments. If say there was a guy with all As but nothing to offer, a B student stand a chance in getting a job. This is seldom the case. Because meritocracy is a system one can triumph with money and resources, the A students are generally from the top 5 JCs, the chairperson/president of clubs, and are able to afford socializing and getting help to do better. Students like to think that grades don't really matter, but it does matter, unless you're extremely exceptional and if you aren't born in Singapore. Improvements/progress aren't applauded either.

3. Happy and successful? Unlikely.
It's very difficult to be happy and successful in Singapore because to be successful one feels that one has to give up a lot. Psychologists have shown that meaningful human interactions make a person happy. I gave up lots of family and friends time just to study, and I don't do very well. The poor people in Singapore never have enough money to spend. Inflation will increase to 3.1% next year. Sign. Median income is at 1,500.

Paint

2011-12-19T11:15:00.005+08:00

Paint is such a strange thing. There are so many kinds of it. Water colours, acrylic paint, oil paints. Of course, when we (as adults OR young adults) think about paint, it's usually that smelly sticky stuff you smear either on your whatever, or people smear on your car, etc.

Being the craziest in the family, I recently sparked off a chain of painting craze.

It must have been 4 years ago since my father started chanting that he wanted to paint the house. Every year, he said we would paint in December. Every year December passed by quickly, sometimes in a chilly, busy manner. Too cold, too busy, too lazy. This year, I happened to know of a boy who prefers staying home, and so I thought of painting my room, as a project to do together. Of course, the yellow patches in my room was already driving me nuts. The place looked old and dirty, and inhabitable. My light buzzed when I switched it on. And dust was piling up.

"Pa, I want to paint my room. Can I?" "Paint lah! Aiyah, why ask? We will buy the paint now. Let's go."

It was decidedly whitish blue. Instead of yellow, which my father had something against.

Cut the long story short, I invited the boy over to paint my room. And my family fed him lots, and thanked him for helping all of us. The black-swan event (a totally unexpected event) was my closest aunt visiting. That aunt invited the boy for dinner at her house once, 5 months ago. And she saw us painting. She exclaimed, "Wah, I also want to paint my house. Ask him over to help leh!" I just smiled.

It did happened (unfortunately). He was summoned to paint. And all my brothers went over too. The house which I grew up in, as it was around since my birth, had not been painted for 18 years. He very nicely took leave off his job just to paint my aunt's house. The deal was the living room. It extended to her bedroom, then her bedroom door, then her bedroom toilet door, then another room door, then another room door. I felt bad asking the boy over to do so much manual labour, but his cheery disposition made me less guilt-stricken.
*I did give him a choice. I didn't drag him by the collar to paint.

Anyway, he was fed lots of food, and he found the dynamics of my family (this time, extended family) fascinating. I thought it was also a good time where he and I saw each other in front of many other people. He was quieter, I was chatty like I always was, obviously because I know them. I'm really thankful, and glad he rendered his service.

This morning, my father was talking about painting the living room. My brother booked me last week for painting his room this Tuesday. And I found out my father has never painted (well, not very much, except the toilet ceiling).

The boy had become the master painter during the second painting job. He was also encouraging towards my brothers, which I was pleased about. Very pleased. Extremely pleased. (I love my brothers lots, in a kind of band-of-brothers love.)

My mother often tells me to ask him over for meals. Last night, she mentioned that the boy reminds her of my father when she was dating. Oh my. Is that a kind of hint??!

I started painting because that boy didn't embrace adventures like myself, to roam, travel, climb, explore, sweat, as much. (He isn't the strawberry generation, he's just the home-keeper of sorts.)

I do wonder how things would turn out. Or if I would take after my mother. Or if I've taken after my father. But whatever. If I get a baby anytime in the next 18 years (which is a long time), he/she would see that coat of paint, and a story behind it lays.

The boy was also very sincere, ernest, helpful, polite, and modest. And of course, skilled, by now. Ziyang, Zijie, Tze-nien, Zhihao can all set up a company to paint. $200-$250 per person. Hey, that's not bad a deal! Cheaper than market rate.

The MRT (or SMRT, if you prefer)

2011-12-18T00:36:00.003+08:00

What's the big deal: Thousands were held up and delayed. Thousands were trapped in dark cabins without lights, or ventilation. Evacuation wasn't properly done. They sent a notification to cab drivers alluding to "income opportunity", and showed no sense of remorse. No explanation was given for the breakdown.

So? Well, some call it that Singaporeans complain too much. Some say we are expecting too much from the meagre fares we pay. The point is that the fares were raised very recently and SMRT hasn't been breaking down in the 1990s to such an extent. Of course everyone is upset. We pride ourselves as the efficient city, the ultra modern city with mix of East and West.

Uh.

his girl- a poem

2011-12-15T21:01:00.006+08:00

I don't need your money
I only hope you'll care
I don't need the bling bling
But want you as my bear

You don't need to be brave always
Or protect me from the rain
It'll be nice if you had umbrella
Or walk with me in the rain

I don't need you to please me
Or impress me all the time
It'll be nice to sing to me
and have ice cream for a dime

I hope that you will stay very safe
Don't worry, cuz I am
I fly to the highest star and back
And we will have Honey and jam

I am frustrated now because I have
Nothing to work my brain
It'll be nice if you can give
something easy teasy for it again

I wish I could have more surprises
To see you fret and think
Because you look so cute when you
try get me something Pink

Although I know this place much more
It pleases me that you try
To bring me very far away
To get me to smile and cry

I don't have very much to give
But here is what I have
I have a brain, which moves very fast
And a soul for the world to share

I have a pair of hands to make
Artefacts for us to keep
A stack of unread papers so that
We can read them and fall asleep

I like a big mess of myself
To drip coffee around my desk
I know you hate it but hate to say
I'm a monster and a pesk

I'm sorry I've bee straightforward
Or blunt as they might call
I don't think much of errors made
So don't fret if you fall

I hate disrespect and excuses
Because I feel inadequate
On the one hand I feel really small
On the other I feel awkward

On some days I prefer books
And yes, please let me be
On some days I prefer girls
And I hope you let me be

On some days I love to fly
And stressful this may be
But to me, I love to move very fast
I hope you'll not blame me

I know your flaws as you know mine
So don't be fast and grumbly
I'd much rather you stay home
and take care of my Honey

I don't expect you to move with me
But I hope you won't tie me down
We can all be happy and slack
Wear a different kind of crown

I love you for who you are
So be that, don't be me
Cuz I won't slow down and be like you
That's not what love is

On common grounds we are the same
Quiet in front of others
But with each other we find solace
and yak like all our mothers

One thing I ask of you is that
You'll let me be who I am
For that I promise, I'll give you all
To love and to understand

Once again I say thank you
for being all I need
Please don't do more or people'd say
I've kept you for my greed

The workaholic has to go
To get brain stimulus
The counsellor will stop sneezing and
Stop stressing and make thy blur

bhaiya, mujhe tumseh pyar kathi hooh.

Social media: I thought we were friends?!

2011-12-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

Facebook has changed social relationships. Taken it to the next level. I have come across at least 3 instances through 2011 where I wasn't friends with a person I'm close to, all of a sudden. Recently I thought I came across another case; but fortunately it turned out to be a mistake.

1. Unfriended, for life
There are people whom you can unfriend and block. My first case was as such; it was extremely painful, but there wasn't anything I could do.

2. Hacked
Another friend got hacked and unfriended me. I was sad, of course, until I realised that the account was hacked. It made me realise how scary social media is. An extra tool for mischief.

3. I've left Facebook
There's another friend of mine who left Facebook to take a break. She was such an avid Facebook user, and her sudden disappearance invoked lots of paranoia in me.

I've just checked out HER blog, after a long time. She seems very happy. I feel very sad that it all had ended like that.

To 12-107E (AY11/12; Sem 1), Cinnamon College; NUS

2011-11-29T13:28:00.004+08:00

Hello, 12-107e,

I hope this finds you well. I've become your stalker, and have found out that you're from AEP (HCI). I rarely stalk anyone.

Anyway, thanks for being the nicest person through my stay in 12-107B. It's been a tough semester with lots of crap going on in life, but I've made it through. And you were around in the last few days of my semester.

You're always cheery, like sunshine. You offered to show me your portfolio, which I dearly appreciated. Whatever you've gotten there was beautiful. I wanted to ask if I could see any of your paintings, but dared not.

Every time you come back, you'll always say "Heyy!!" and that makes me feel kind of happy. The studying gets kind of crazy and I've moved to UTown and stayed in the room all day because I wanted to find my land of recluse, from my parents, friends, or anyone else. I found it hard to face just anyone, and find it a terrible chore. It was you who made me feel that I don't have to be ashamed of myself and hide from the USP crowd.

Thanks for inviting me to the end of sem pizza party. I've accumulated some bad blood with USP and I'm officially ostracized. I wouldn't have gone, let alone stay, if not for you. Thanks for chatting with me, and getting to know me. I'm such a closed up person at 21 years old I've stopped trying to socialize. The world is increasingly hostile, and I find friends in the two aunties who cleans the suite every Monday morning.

I find it a little harder to talk to strangers out of the blue. Honestly, I don't know if I'm too shy, or people are too hostile. I used to lead hundreds of people to cheer in school events, now I can't bring myself to tell anyone anything about myself. It's a nice gesture of you to ask - about Art History.

When I saw the yellow internet cable hanging at my door, I was sad to know that you've left. Yet I've never dared to ask for your phone number, or if we could hang out. I never even dared to tell anything about myself, including how to pronounce my name, because I feel like a nuisance, in 12-107, in Cinnamon. So I stuck my phone number (with my name) on my door in case anyone wants to call me. It sounds like the stupidest thing, like a professor trying to let a student know "this is my office and this is how my name is spelt".

You're probably too popular, busy with lots of friends. I'm too shy to ask a lot, too afraid to get rejected by girls. I grew up with guys, and I've been rejected of friendship by girls for the longest period of time. I've only a few really close ones. I haven't the time, nor energy, to continue pretending I can communicate with them. But I somehow feel that we can talk.

I'm straight. But I do hope we can talk more, and that I can find a friend in you. I wish you happiness, and success. I won't be here the next semester, in 12-107, but you've been one of the most remarkable people I've found.

*to C.S.: you aren't a girl, so please don't be jealous!

Moving on, and away, from Jason Neo: my thoughts

2011-11-20T00:10:00.000+08:00

1. The government should speak up on this, and take this chance to educate the public as well as reassert the priorities of Singapore, the Singaporean identity, and why all these are important.

2. Jason Neo should be tried by law for making a seditious remark. In other countries, he would have been detained immediately. This will serve as a deterrence to the general public.

3. The issue should be followed up in schools, and schools could take this as an opportunity to educate morals. [read http://diluted-enigma.blogspot.com/2011/11/moral-education-incorporated-into.html ] There seem to be loopholes in the education system, in that not enough is done to make sure an educated person understands.

4. The media could be employed to remind/encourage people in Singapore (foreigners and locals alike) to live harmoniously with one another.

*****

I personally would refrain from condemning the Young PAP; it was hardly likely to have been prevented. Nonetheless, as a Singaporean girl who have spent my childhood playing football with my Malay neighbours, I'm very concerned. As a student of History who has by academic exercise gone through the history of Singapore, I'm very concerned. As a daughter whose parents went through racial riots, I'm very concerned. As a potential teacher who would potentially serve the MOE (I've a weekend to think if I should be bonded), I'm also very concerned. As a potential voter (I'm still disenfranchised because I'm deemed underage), I hope to see mitigation of the issue because it could potentially threaten the social fabric of Singapore.

To begin, one should refrain from associating terrorists with Malays/Muslims. Terrorists come in all shapes and sizes, from Ireland Republican Army to Tamil Tigers etc. Let's recall: there weren't any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Islamic practices also differ from region to region, and Southeast Asian Islam, while it's multifarious, is generally considered by scholars as the most accommodating of other ethnic groups due to regional influences. The Bollywood movie I've written a paper on, My Name is Khan, is the perfect movie to understand more about issues on discrimination, labelling, and terrorism. Its famous line goes like this: My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist (He's autistic, and kind, but always suspected and held up. Poor him.)

As a Chinese, I think it's only fair that something can be done to appease the Malay community. Looking into the case seriously (and that includes trying him) is minimal that the government can do. The remark has gone beyond the mildly racist and broke the ceiling of the extreme. They're children. They are going to school to be educated to be good people with upright moral values.

I also secretly hope that PAP can be redeemed (though I've no political allegiance) because I sincerely believe the ruling government isn't like this. When I saw a comment alongside this issue alluding to "Hard Truths", my heart sank. I saw this somewhere: "If it were the opposition making such a remark, he would have been dead." I haven't found a reason to reject that hypothesis. There's no way to prove it, but there's no way to disprove it unless something is done to publicly condemn the act. I honestly think this issue does waver the faith of the electorate.

While many have given feedback that there is no Singaporean identity, my proposition (as a historian by training) is that hard times bind Singaporeans together: WWII, economic crises, and SARS. This episode highlights and stresses what is important to us Singaporeans. Singapore prides itself for being multiracial. We ought to be that.

The Malaysian newspaper has written about this issue (I've just checked). The newspaper reminds me of a class I taught in a local secondary school, when I handed newspaper articles from different countries (SG and Msia; and photos from Dutch and Malaysian sources) to my Sec 2 students about Maria Hertogh riots. I remember telling my students, on Racial Harmony Day this year, the importance of understanding. I'm not saying it would degenerate into that, but that itself shows how sensitive this entire issue is - school children are still learning about it.

Singapore's identity and cohesion are shaken lately. I do hope we can tide this through together, especially those of us who holds a pink- and blue-IC.

Singapore is increasingly multi-ethnic. If we cannot even ensure local Chinese, Malays and Indians can live together, it would be extremely difficult to make sure we can live with - come on, let's face it - our PRC Chinese and Bangladeshi migrant population. It is an issue we are trying to sweep under the carpet. I think this issue deserves greater attention, and response, from the people "up there".

Our new norm

2011-10-28T20:41:00.009+08:00

I've recently moved into UTown. I realised that I'm new to the living standards here.

First of all, food. It's compulsory to subscribe to "meal plan" over here, and yes, it's slightly pricey ($4 per meal, for breakfast and dinner). Several people have complained that the food is horrible, "cheat-money", "the same everyday"... Students have 4 cuisine choices - Western, Chinese, Malay, Indian, and noodles (I count this under Chinese). To be honest, I haven't the opportunity to be eating this portion and variety on a daily basis. I look forward to meal times every day. There's not just one meat, but two meat every meal for the Chinese cuisine, and there's chicken drumstick in the Malay and Indian food every day. It's not oily, or salty (I think they cut down on salt lately, which is good). For Chinese food, there's veg protein and veggies. I actually feel very blessed living here. And there's free flow of fruits (students, don't take more than your deserved share!), soup, salad and rice. There's coffee, tea and milo every day and night, and cordial (ok I'm not such a big fan of this). $3 for the main course, $1 for the extras. It's not that expensive to warrant one talking about this on a daily basis, is it? I have to agree that $4 for breakfast is extremely expensive, especially when there's no free flow of milk and cereal

Second, food again (and toiletries). I've also noticed that there are students who are eating expensive potato chips, a bag enough to fund a whole day of food expenses. The toiletries that they use are exotic-looking (and expensive-looking) non on-the-shelf commodity. Lucky students. Many are also drinking Starbucks. One starbucks is enough to pay for my one-day expenses as a student of NUS.

Third, hot showers. Singapore is a tropic country. It rains sometimes. Other than that, weather's pretty hot and humid. There are students who shower with hot water on a daily basis. Perhaps the feeling's good, but a better reason would be that they're used to showering with warm water. It's quite a luxury not to be watching electricity bills. Maybe that's the new middle-class norm - warm showers. And blowing dry one's hair with hairdryer. Is that a middle-class norm?

Fourth, waste. Students are wasteful. They throw away whatever food they cannot finish. I think food doesn't come by easily. I'd like to think of Indonesian farmers every time I eat, and make sure no rice grains are left (unless I'm extremely full). It's a social crime to leave even a single grain of rice on the plate in Indonesia. At least, that's what I'd learnt when I was there.

Fifth, not being civic-minded. I am most appalled. Students choke up toilet bowls with tissue paper, pour solids down the pantry sink and choke it. Sinks and toilet bowls are often choked. I think it's unfair to blame the contractors/builders or the cleaners for doing an unsatisfactory job. These students assume people will clean up after them. I do feel sorry for the cleaners. Once, there was a cleaner who was so angry and started shouting at me. Her eyes were going teary. She told me not to choke toilet bowls (goodness, it's not me). It's a tough life for them, is it not? While some cleaners are very proud of their children who made it to university, many do not have children doing well in the society (middle-class income, I mean).

I'm sometimes reminded of the movie Gattaca, where the male lead fakes his identity to work in a top firm. His world was genetically-stratified. He hides himself and blends in, making sure no traces of his imperfect DNA is left behind. I feel this way many a time in university. Expensive bags, expensive clothes, expensive food all around me. My reasons for not indulging in consumerism are increasingly convincing - environmental harm is my latest. And it's true. Switch off your aircon!

I hope there are more who are camouflaging here, like myself. I hope the university is not just a place for people who are living a comfortable life and still complain life sucks. I'm sure the university has created new norms for everyone. For some, yucky food. For some, really fantastic food. For some, a constant struggle to get to the front of the bell-curve. For some, life's last playground.

Postscript: I've been employed lately by the university as an intern, and this I'm extremely grateful for. [I'm not on a bursary and living on campus for free; I'm working.] Thank you, Provost Tan Eng Chye, Vice-Provost Tan Tai Yong, Choon Hwee (my friend who made all these happen), and Clarence Seow who is always supporting me. Thanks to Bridget and Haza and Yoga and Veera who supported me, defended me, and tided me through the most difficult period of my NUS life (in fact, the most difficult period of my life when I came under public scrutiny). And thank you Prof Malcolm Murfett, who is always asking if I'm alright when I'm in a daze thinking deeply about past incidents.

"Progress is always good!" Agreed?

2011-10-19T08:18:00.002+08:00

No, if they are not organic.

This is a statement brought up in one of the debates I've had this term. I refuse to believe so, because the definition of progress is fundamentally relative.

Tear away my favourite buildings to build greater, taller ones. This could happen to NUS. I have to admit there's nothing warm and fuzzy about NUS except the people, and you are entitled to your differing opinions.

But here goes: "If being Western is seen as progressive, we should all follow, because progress is always good!"

Yes, in that people who choose to be "Western" are happy. It's tough to live up to social pressure though. Especially for people who consciously choose not to change their belief systems, or people who are forced to do so.

Cultural Imperialism, is this?

Having said so much:
1. It's futile - imperialism happens all the time; subjugation of culture happens all the time...
2. It's a post-modernist view of mine - perhaps I would think differently if I were living in the 15th century

But really? Is progress always good?

The NUS training

2011-09-27T18:51:00.005+08:00

I'm not speaking for all NUS students. In fact, it's hard to find out whom I'm speaking for.

NUS trains its students like a soldier. I almost said, we're not treated like soldiers, we're treated like machines. Machines who have a life, who have feelings, who are expected to perform or be chucked away.
Another view: You can slack your way and graduate. You can also enjoy your life here with heaps of school activities. You have lots of freedom. My department takes attendance of students for every tutorial class though. They care for students, and hope that students are not skipping class because they have other issues eg family problems, to attend to.

Deadlines are a common occurence. We're expected to know everything, do everything. We don't get to choose our fuel. If we're running on V-power, i.e. the professor/lecturer is jaw-drop amazing, you're lucky. Even so, you're not so lucky because the best professors have the best students and you're expected to be at tip-top conditions. NUS students are expected to be optimal at least for 16 hours a day. Perhaps the National Service conscription had something to do with it.
Another view: Yes we have continuous assessment. They are endless, and difficult to score sometimes. Students who are in this system seem to be able to go and keep going. Never-say-die, even though they constantly say "Die (lah), Die (lah), tomorrow need to hand this in. How?"

We don't get away with memorizing. BUT we can't get away without memorizing either. We have to memorise, synthesize new knowledge as soon as possible, and make sense of everything. There aren't many professors who understands that students cannot do everything. It's expected of you. If you can't speak out in class, write potent arguments on forums, present yourself with flair during projects, no one will save you. That's the power of the bell-curve. Individuals are treated as individuals, as particles, as machines. If you're a good machine, any kind of oil produces the best quality stuff.
Another view: It's a rigourous track. Sometimes people say it's more difficult than Oxbridge... But you learn something. Arts students are (I hope) well-trained for any setting.

This reminds me of the industrial revolution when people had to work so hard to achieve nothing in the end. Students cannot wait to graduate. How much of a hellhole is this?
Another view: I'm in Year 3. Students will miss this place only after they graduate because the working world is so much worse.

I know of this guy. He wrote a wonderful paper, and wrote to his professor to tell him that the professor had covered too much content for the question, in class, and the professor is stealing his ideas. The professor writes back telling him not to be lofty in his ambitions, and implied he liked something more orthodox. So he rewrites his paper, and submits an orthodox paper with a standard view that the professor would be expected to like. This morning, the professor stated in class that he wanted something "that differentiates you from the person next to you". "If you don't take risks now, then when? You can't be taking risks in the workforce."
Another view: Work within limits. Don't think too far ahead. You're not a PhD student, so behave like an undergrad. One who shines.

QUESTION: ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO TAKE RISKS IN NUS? Because it affects the CAP (cumulative average point).

He broke down in class quietly, and stated that he had taken the module because he thought he would do well, despite the fact that he had completed his requirements for Year 3. He wanted to drop the module just for an essay, just because he could potentially get a B+, or even B, for his paper. He needed a 0.2 increment in his CAP score, and he couldn't risk anything.

Life in NUS is a game of life and death. People had started studying since 3 years old. They could sometimes quote amazing stuff at a tender age. Of course, humans can't be good at everything, but if you're not good in studies, people tell me "Singapore hasn't room for you".
Another view: You could choose another path, but any other path is usually frowned upon. Success is a big thing here in Singapore.

Reminds me of the Russian Roulette. Little did people know that this NUS game is a game of luck. If there are really brilliant people in your class, you're dead. If you do fall ill, you're behind. It's difficult to catch up.

I have moved away from home to avoid my family. They are a lovely bunch of people, but they're so lovely I end up talking to them a lot. I have to focus, read, and work. But they keep me sane. Blogging keeps me sane. And crimson keeps me very sane.

Yes I'll miss my friends, I'll miss the fantastic library, the wondrous facilities, the professors (a few only), but we can't wait to graduate. Life kinda sucks here.
Another view: No it doesn't. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Is marriage becoming obsolete?

2011-09-22T08:43:00.003+08:00

With statistics staring in your face and divorces happening left right and centre, is marriage becoming obsolete? I don't think so, though I would argue that marriage has changed, or indeed, expanded, in its form.

1. A "powerful" woman
An educated woman upsets the traditional balance of power in marriage through history. In fact, strangely, most divorces are called for by women (forget about those TV dramas of old when the man shouts "I divorce you!"). Both have equal rights. If they don't see eye to eye, either side has to give in, and it cannot be the same side all the time. This makes marriage a little more tricky. This is wonderful because marriage could become a union of equals. A smart man has an equal companion to talk to. It just means that men have to start listening, empathising, compromising. That is what the woman initially fell for anyway (haha, I got you, in case you were making excuses). Of course, the cute thing is, women like men to listen to what they have got to say, and afterwards, men can still successfully convince women that their course of action is better.

Women just like men listening.

2. Money
It's all about the money, baby. Forget the song "Price Tag". It's not about the money when it's dating, but marriage is a different game altogether. Statistics are clever liars (ask any statisticians), but it is quite evident that people are divorcing because of money. Talk about money before getting married. If one side is for having separate accounts, private investments, on how the house will be split should it be sold, by all means, do that. If couples cannot see eye to eye with money matters, the marriage is not bound to last (unless the woman is uneducated). Monthly expenditures and financial autonomy should be discussed, and respected. After all, you've been with the person for a while, and you have accepted the person for who he/she is. Marriage is not about dominating the other party; it's about giving the person more space, and reason, to love you.

3. Facebook (etc.)
I just had to say this. According to C. Seow, Facebook has increased divorce rates because people could connect so easily with their ex-gf/bf. It always starts harmless, with "Hi, I've gotten a boyfriend. How are you doing?" If the person happens to be down and the current boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, while the ex is, taddah, you know the rest.

If you are unable to convince your partner to unfriend, block, and never contact the person again, or even if you do convince your partner, please please please tell your partner to be open with you about anyone that tugs his/her heart, and reassure the person that you would not blow up at the sound of it. Maintenance of open communication is crucial. That's what C.Seow has told me.

4. Living apart - travelling/business trips etc
Avoid this if possible. If not, talk about it. Talk a lot about it. One is unable to spend quality time together, or perform acts of services, or maintain physical contact (love is a hormone thing, you know) when living apart. Unless both are workaholics, it's not good to live apart. C. Seow asserts that absence makes the heart grow colder. If someone else pops out in times of crisis, taddah, you know the rest.

Cheating is not impossible, so if you both can live with it, then all's well. You can still love each other while being apart.

5. Lifestyles
We all know that with globalisation, anything goes. This is an interesting phenomenon.
Singaporeans:
C.H. Szeto himself as an Austrian (Football and anti-Asian). David Tan's a British (BBC). Siti Hazariah sometimes sees herself as an Indian/Kashmiri. Z. Chen sees herself as an Delhi-ite sometimes. S. Seah sees himself as a German sometimes.

These people obviously have different lifestyles from a typical Singaporean. In fact, there is no way to define a Singaporean; Singapore's a port-city full of migrants (my grandparents were migrants). What do I do if I marry a Singaporean, or actually, just anyone? Live with it. My dear roommate used to keep her underwears after wearing them and washing them all together. She placed her 27 underwears on my bed to air. She opens her drawers and sweeps the entire table clean into her drawer. If this happens with your mate, laugh about it. There's really nothing you can do. Do not attempt to impose changes. Emails (or indeed Facebook messages with photos) could work to remind.

5. Children
I'll fill this up some day. Basically children growing up in different societies has different demands. When I asked my parents how did babies come about, they just said, "Don't ask; you'll know when you're older." My friend who studied in an international school would not accept that, and persisted her question (and her parents were more conservative than mine). That goes to show how difficult it is to rear children.

Of course, in Singapore, children plays the piano, dances ballet, counts arithmetic, at age 3. It's a bit ridiculous, but "it is good for them (the children)." In less-developed countries, children grow as they grow. If they don't make it, it's no big deal. They can be a farmer or a businessman.

Here's to those getting married: best of luck, and remember: your woman is always right (let her win in arguments, and you can implement your ideas. That's how it usually works.)

The Influence of Facebook on Relationships and Social Pressure

2011-09-21T15:40:00.002+08:00

It puzzles me when people declare their relationship status on Facebook. It's all well for the declaration of love to the entire world, but if anything untoward happens in the relationship, the whole world would know too. I'm not here to discuss whether you should or should not do that. I'm discussing how Facebook has changed the psyche of love.

"I'm in a relationship with X."
Immediately, close friends would come to know a new friend. Speaking of which, should a person declare on Facebook first, or tell her best friends first?

"I'm single."
Alright. Is that a happy declaration, when people should say CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GOT RID OF THAT JERK!!! :D or should people say I'm really sorry to hear about that... ?

"I'm engaged."
This is by far the worst I've seen (or so I suppose). My friend declared this and wrote a big blog post on it. I saw it in May. It was an April Fool's joke.

So here's another friend of mine who posted engagement photographs. It's really amazing how I suddenly feel, "gahh, here's social pressure mocking at those who had been dating a long time." Having said that, I can't imagine my man popping that question. All's wonderful in love, but marriage is a different thing, is it? At the very least, it's legal, and it's more often unhappy. Of course, there are a few who claim they have a loving marriage. These are far and few, and they don't come by because they found their soul mate. They work hard, I mean, very very hard, to stay together.

All's well if the purpose of that marriage is to make babies. Women seem to have this maternal instinct to care for little cuties in life. Perhaps I would very much prefer taking care of babies than living with someone permanently, especially since the backdoor of divorce is now open. In the past, marriage had to work.

All's well. Divorces are good if the man's a wife-beating drunkard gambler or lazy bum. Should people part because of personality clashes? Or mistakes made by either party, either in finances or fidelity? Of course, trust, once broken, is considered sold.

Speaking of babies. They are also the make or break elements in relationships. If the parents fall out, they suffer. And they aren't easy to care for, especially since offsprings HAVE TO BE smart, and if they're not, the parents are responsible.

How about "I'm married to X."
Some trivialise Facebook in that they can be married to different people every week, and whom they are married to are good friends. It is very often a lesbian-relationship because girls like to declare they are married, no matter to whom.

The transition from engaged to married isn't huge. It's a definite CONGRATULATIONS!!! and we're all expecting it. Then again, we really don't know if it's a congratulations, do we? Love is like a dream; marriage is the alarm clock.

No offense to those who are married. I might be there, someday, if a black-swan event occurs and the man pops the question. I, for heaven's sake, wouldn't know how to react, especially if I haven't made up my mind. It's all a leap of faith. God bless that one doesn't fall into the deep abyss. Divorces are painful. I can totally imagine it. The man whom you knew with all your heart, the most wonderful man on Earth, could do so much to hurt you. That's a horrid idea, and it self-destructs.

Now, Facebook does not censor publications of status. My best friend's ex-boyfriend is my friend's boyfriend now. It's all too much to bear. The worst thing's the wall. Anyone can write: I hate you. Cursed be your woman. @the woman: he cheats; beware.

And that finishes it all off.

How to make friends?

2011-09-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

This post gives a quick overview of winning friends.

First, don't think you're very big. No one likes to talk to people high up there, real or imagined. That means, whether you are a boss or a highly-talented person doesn't matter. Everyone is on equal ground.
1. Be humble and approachable
2. Smile
3. Few golden words are better than spamming of words if you need to impress
4. Be interested. Look interested. The latter's as important as the former.
5. Ask questions:
- what are you doing?
- how was your name inspired (for interesting names)?
- what do you do at work?
- what do you think about __(current affairs)__ ?
- what do you do during your free time (more personal, to be asked when relationship transits from work to personal)?

Quote whatever perception you have had, "I've heard that ________. Is this true?" This will create a dialogue.
If the person asks a question, answer, but not in a long-winded manner. Brevity is an important skill.

Why do I have no friends?

2011-09-13T23:52:00.002+08:00

The straightforward answer is that you are disagreeable, vile, arrogant, etc. You either think too highly of yourself, or too lowly of others.

But what if you are a generally nice person? This post is dedicated to people who have friendships with high turnover rates.

High turnover rates could mean any of the following:
1. Easily bored - you don't like spending too much effort on knowing a person. You like to meet new people. The more, the merrier.
2. In the wrong world - the people around you seem to be doing something you are not interested in. There's nothing wrong with varied interest; look around at the right places.
eg. I used to talk (and still do) about what I learn in class. Unfortunately, the people in my class were not interested in talking about such serious matters unless circumstances necessitate it. Of course, I tried to talk like them, but I do feel really happy when I finally find a person who is comfortable discussing such matters over coffee.
3. Something very wrong - perhaps you think you are wonderful, but there are certain aspects of you that people could not see eye to eye with. Approach a close friend to verify that.
4. Loner - Self-professed loners would not be reading this. Those who feel that hanging out with friends means meeting the social norm, but secretly love to have their own space, will feel inadequate.
5. No money - Maintenance of friends require finances. Eating out, movies, travelling or just doing anything requires money. It's ok.
6. No time - While some cannot spare the money, some cannot spare the time. In a day and age where all of us work non-stop, where do we find time to catch up? Especially if the person never meant anything to you, nor you to him/her. Who would sacrifice and pay the opportunity cost to make one new friend?
7. Shyness - This is often hard to get over. Shyness is a reluctance to participate for fear of societal judgment. If you can't say, emails are good.
8. You're not worth the time - While point 3 is about you not knowing how to carry yourself, this point is about how you are just fluff and bluff. Find something you can offer to people - care, concern, listening ear etc.

A/P Malcolm H. Murfett

2011-09-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

He is one of the finest professors I could ever imagine. He's my History professor, hailing from UK, and has been and is currently teaching in NUS.

He brings History to life, right before your eyes. When I attend class, it is almost as if I'm seeing the events right before my eyes. He ejects his opinions and feelings into characters and events after going through the facts, and analyses. It is as emotive and real as it gets. I sense the grandeur of Napoleon I, the shrewdness and brilliance of Otto von Bismarck, the dedication of Clement Attlee, the incredulity of Scharnhorst and Geisennau escaping right before the Allies' eyes without getting bombed. I sense the disgust yet maligned persona of Louis Napoleon, the devastation of London after bombing, the sternness of Stalin, the happiness from the 1980s revolution behind the Iron Curtain, the agony of DDR sportsmen having to consume vast amount of drugs to compete in sports... One of my classmates comments: "I don't know what I am supposed to write in class. He teaches so well it feels like I'm listening to a story, totally drawn. At the end of the day, I don't write enough notes."

He writes an essay for every single lecture he gives. Which lecturer, exactly which, would give their own write-ups/essays as readings?! I have seen umpteenth lecturers pointing you to the library, Reserve Book Room, to train you up by photocopying the relevant materials. I have seen lecturers requesting one to buy textbooks, some written by themselves (this is fantastic), most written by others. Is that sufficient? Oh no, as a History student, you are required to read widely. He gives you a list of books and does not tell you which pages are relevant. As a History student, you need to develop the research skills.

And we know about his debates which costs 20%, intending to train us to be defenders of our own thoughts and opinions. His MCQs, Murfett's Killer MCQs, are there to tease your ignorance and sloth. And we know there is no "warm body component", his favourite term, which suggests that students have to speak up in class or they get no marks for attendance. And students have to write on Forums.

Sounds ludicrous? I feel that all these make so much more sense than those endless tests and papers. So what if we write. It is not as if Murfett gets a new revelation of something new in those research papers. If university requires me to learn research skills, there are plenty of opportunities in all classes. His class is Oxbridge standard.

He's very fair. You put in the effort, you get the marks. He's not out to fail students. Despite hints, some students still don't do well (because they are inconsistently hardworking, or consistently lazy). He's a good Roman Catholic who has strong moral values. The most remarkable thing is that he doesn't teach History just for academia's sake. Of course, students learn. But students learn moral values from these History lessons.

"Do not dehumanize History." That sounds wrong to many academics, but that is highly relevant to students of History. Characters deal with events yes, but Luck provides events. The weather, illness, natural disasters all play a significant role in History, sometimes in an imponderable manner. "Imponderable but not Inevitable", one of his books, is a fantastic read.

He believes in students. He comes from a humble background, and he inspires me because I come from a less-privileged background (as compared to my peers in NUS). He treat students as humans, as learners, not as subjects, or numbers. He remembers names (so don't skip his classes, cuz they are fantastic to begin with).

He inspired me to continue reading History. Grandmaster Shawn Seah said he is a good man. And he is.

The most important thing I have learned: We all assume others are always in top-form. Truth is, humans are never always in top-form, for all kinds of reasons. These figures you are reading are still humans. Who cares they are from the 18th century? They face the same problems like we do. Who can make sound decisions when they are ill or in pain? Who can predict events that follow?

Here's to an orator like Churchill, a leader like Attlee, a figure of inspiration like Napoleon I.

-He ran into my boyfriend and I at the lift, and he introduced himself to my boy, asked for his name, and shook his hand!
-He didn't see me for a good three months during summer holidays, but greeted me at the door of his class.
-I'm often in a daze in classes because of troubling stuff. He would always catch me. "Are you okay?" He smiles. Oops.
-He knew I messed up one of his exams in a terrible manner (because I wanted so badly to do well) but instead of thinking I'm darn useless, he didn't look down on me, and instead reminded all his classes to "choose your question carefully!" And I have missed his extra classes before (shrugs). It was a relief he wasn't angry or I would have been very stressed.

The price to pay for beauty

2011-09-06T00:35:00.001+08:00

There is a price to pay for everything good. "You pay peanuts, you get monkeys."

As I was looking for inspiration to write, I discovered that after "how to be ... happy", the next search is "how to be... anorexic".

Actually, I personally think we live in an era where anorexia is cool. In fact, being slender, or toned, or busty, or anorexic, is considered desirable. One of the top 10 searches of Google 2010 is - how to lose weight. The fashion industry is getting a huge portion of ladies' income - anything from bags to clothes to jewellery to aesthetic surgeries.

It made me think about "opportunity costs".

All ladies want a perfect body, thanks to the mass media. Myself included. I was seriously thinking about being anorexia, and switching to a boiled veggies/fish diet with no carb. I probably won't die, but I won't function as well in class. There comes the big question - is it worth it?

Of course, keeping fit is well worth it to ensure performance in work, good health, and longevity. Quick solutions like slimming centres and cosmetic operations costs only money and proper maintenance. Then again, one should think twice whether these are truly necessary. To one, it might be a frivolous expenditure; to another, absolute necessity.

My braces was an absolute necessity. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a cheerful disposition, but before I had braces, I feared smiling, despite the fact that I actually feel happy most of the time. People told me I would never find a job with crooked teeth, and that I would scare bosses and boys away. That is a big deal. Having pleaded and denied of braces, I waited, and happily paid 1.5x more than what I might have paid in the past, just to do it private, and quick.

My point in this post is that - don't do anything because the society compels you to do it; do it only because you need it and it makes you happy.

Today is the day where I finally removed my braces, bleached my teeth, and did my first hair treatment

Mughal Paintings

2011-09-04T22:56:00.005+08:00

What has History got to do with Peacocks? Lots. As I search for the significance behind Peacocks to justify why the removal of the Peacock Throne was significant to the Burmese. It represents Krishna. It means wisdom. IT IS THE MUGHAL THRONE.

And Peacock Throne showed up, in Wikipedia. Remarkable.

Mughal paintings used to be my forte. Amongst them, this is one of my favourite - the Peafowl. I wrote a 8,000 word research paper on these paintings. The peafowl shown here is no larger than A5 (half an A4). The brush strokes are remarkable. Gentle, compared to the stiff brush strokes during Akbari reign. The golden colours are made by grinding gold into powder. The brush tip is no thicker than one strand of horses' hair. And only well-fed horses, specially bred for the brushes, are used. The blue is extracted from sapphires and sometimes deep-sea organisms ground or blended with chemicals. Of course you can't see it from here. Go to Cleveland Museum, you might see some. Most mughal paintings are spam-cheats. Look closely. Every strand of the peacock's feather's fuzz CAN BE SEEN. It sounds ridiculous but it's true. Painful effort.

The painters are brought to where the Mughal king hunts for leisure. He would then ask the painters to paint either the scenery or himself. If any does an unsatisfactory job, he's dismissed. Jahangiri paintings are the finest, in my opinion. They are easily distinguished by their beautiful borders. Not stiff, like Akbari. Not repetitive, like Shah Jahani. Just nicely done. The best of mughal miniatures.

Is it Ustad Mansur? He paints the most brilliant of naturalism.

Burma

2011-09-04T12:11:00.004+08:00

"Hey girl! Come here!" My teacher signalled to me. "Are you from Myanmar?" He asked. That was in 2008 January. I was running a camp, running along the track rushing to somewhere.

Writing on Burma brings me lots of memories. As if I've been in Burma. As if I've always been living next to Burma. I've watched the Burmese Harp, a war film produced from the Japanese point of view of the Pacific War. I've heard the term, Shwae Daung. Is it Sanskrit? I don't know. I've even seen the script written in either Sanskrit or Tibetan. I live through those battles Burma had fought with Assam, Manipur and Nagaland. I've seen the Burmese monks clad in maroon robes. I've seen General Aung San fighting for independence, for the Anti-Fascist People's Freedom League (AFPFL).

I have, alas, studied at the school his daughter, Aung San Suu Kyi, studied in. Lady Shri Ram College.

I know of the Burmese Constitution in 1937 which finally separates Burma and India after a forced union by the British in 1885. They have always been apart. I know very well why Winston Churchill, the War Cabinet Prime Minister of Britain, produced that White Paper. I also know why Clement Attlee signed the pact with Aung San promising independence. The former's so aggressive and conservative, the latter reasonable and leftist. It feels like I've lived through World War II with Churchill putting up a front all day having to fight the Germans and win.

The Burmese temples. Have I seen them somewhere? Don't they look alike to the Hindu tower entrance, the circum-ambulation belt of each temple, the stones that last forever? The Burmese drinks tea, and make a big affair out of it. Of course, they are so near to Assam; they need to prove that their tea is better! The North Indians drink their tea in a small 60ml cup, the Southeast Asians drink tea in a very large mug 150ml. And the Burmese - just in between. A medium, 100ml. And I know how it tastes just by looking at it.

And I haven't forgotten the Karen, the Chin, Kachin, and Shan people. Neither have I forgotten the Arakanese.

The Peacock Throne seized in 1885 by the British rings a bell to me. I feel infuriated; why did they take away that blessed throne? Why did they trample through the Shwedagon Pagoda with their boots? Why did they disregard the monks? U Ottama fought peacefully for independence, got imprisoned, and continued fighting. YMBA fought too.

Yesterday, I picked up a book I couldn't believe. "Secret Histories: Finding George Orwell in a Burmese Tea Shop." George Orwell was their prophet. His three books - Burmese Days, Animal Farm, and Nineteen Eighty-Four - was scripted into reality in Burma. For a splitting second, I recounted him. Somehow, I want to go to where he had been. He was one of those fighting like we are fighting. His heart beats like one of us. He died immersed in love for Burma.

I'm there in my dreams, I forget I'm a visitor, dressing, talking, eating like them, worshiping in the temple like them. I remember passing by that Stupa. I remember eating the thukpa with them. I remember their faces so vividly. I've seen the women in the fields planting rice, the buffaloes ploughing, the children playing.

Free Burma. Free Nagaland. Free Tibet.

She was my teacher: a tribute to Mrs Ann Chia

2011-09-03T22:47:00.003+08:00

This was my primary school teacher, Mrs Ann Chia (with her husband).

Today, I got a Facebook private message written to me from my junior Xiaowen from JJC (who happened to be in my CCA and Primary school). She said she wanted my number. Told me to sms her.

Here's what she replied to my sms:

"Hmm, ytd I msged mrs chia [our fond primary school teacher] to wish her teachers' day, den some1 replied to say dat she has passed away 3 months ago, den he/she asked if i want to go to her church to look at mrs chia's photos.. Hmm, so I tot of asking if u wanna go."

Mrs Ann Chia. If there is a single school teacher who made the largest change in my life, it's her. And she transformed many lives. Many, many, many.

When I was 12 years old, she was around 50 years old. She was formidable, scary, stern. Seniors who were taught by her always say, "You'll love her only when you leave the school." That's most true. We later realised she scolds because she cares. And I visited her once, in Sec 1. In Sec 2, I found out she had quit to become a pastor in a church.

After that sms, I googled her name. "Ann Chia" church Singapore. I found that she indeed is a pastor at Emmanuel Christian Church, on Facebook. The weekly sermon stopped in March. There weren't any photographs of hers on that page. After many tries, I found her husband's page, and when I saw his profile picture, I slipped into a daze for a while.

Of course you can't fully understand, but she meant a lot to me because she was my rags to riches catalyst. I went to secondary school and was 6th in whole level in Sec One, 12th in whole level in Sec Two. From that class, one went to Normal Acad, and rose to Express in Sec Two. From that class, many went to Raffles, Hwa Chong, and River Valley. My class was a glorious batch, and then the school merged with Jurong Primary. It no longer exists. She has trained all of us to be disciplined, to work, to value our family and friends, and that there's always hope in life (she shares of christian miracles of her life with us).

Even my parents know, she was perhaps the most significant teacher of my life. I owe a lot of my success to her. She was also the reason I hit off well with Xiaowen.

Life's so fragile, I'm a little scared to lose my loved ones.

Why is he (or she) avoiding me?

2011-08-28T13:46:00.004+08:00

Why is the person avoiding me?

This post is not restricted to boy-girl relationship, and is applicable to most relationships.

1. Space
We all need space to breathe. If the person is avoiding you, it usually means that the person is/was close to you. By making room to breathe, it could be:

a. for self-protection, from you - you are hurting him/her
b. for time to think about other matters - you are bothering him/her
c. avoiding a topic integral to the relationship - your care and concern cannot be reciprocated by him/her at the moment, though it's acknowledged

The person might need just time to do anything he/she wants/needs to do or retreat into seclusion to contemplate about life. For good or bad, the person could also be hiding things from you, or is buying time to think of whether to resolve or hide the issue from you

2. Resources
The person is trying to get more resources, or maintain his/her own resources. The latter means you are taking up either too much time or energy or emotional commitment. Even attention. The person could be needing more attention to be paid to other facets of his/her life. We are aware of the famous line which goes, "I'm earning more money so that you can live a better life." Acquisition of resources could be a reason, and if so, make full use of this opportunity as a milestone for understanding each other better, sharing burdens, and finding solutions together.

Rehabilitation after the time-out is most important in repairing the relationship. Be prepared to:
1. Listen (forget about defending yourself, or shooting down arguments. Listen carefully.)
2. Give in (the person needs time to heal, so giving in will lead to the person giving in)
3. Affirm (forget your ego/pride, and how hurt you are. Focus on the positive aspects of the person, and tell him/her that you are fine even if you are not)
4. Offer help (ask if there is anything you can do)
5. Move on (inject hope into the relationship, a possibility for something positive to look towards)

Once step 5 is fully achieved (the person is emotionally healed from the past event), evaluate your feelings and thoughts, and if there is any way you can share (not complain) your thoughts and feelings on the time-out. This is important for growth of the relationship and of both parties.

What if the person never comes back?

A closure is necessary. Approach the person when you finally cannot bear it (wait for a full week at least) to find out what's going on. When that happens:
1. Explain your concerns - why is the meeting important to you (appeal to logic and reasoning)
2. Share your thoughts and feelings (appeal to emotions)
3. Move on (there is nothing you can do, really)

This post is inspired by my tutee Kim Do Yeon.

How to be happy?

2011-08-27T20:45:00.005+08:00

"How can I be happy?"

If you google this up, I have the biggest secret to happiness. This post will (hopefully) stop your spree for books on happiness.

The secret to happiness is:

Just be happy! (of course there's more, so read on)

Happiness is a feeling that comes from within. It is a mindset - you can be happy, if you choose to be. You don't have to grumble and look at the negative side of life. This is an abstract skill, and let me share with you a more definite key to happiness.

Gratitude.

Has it crossed your mind that since you read the first sentence of this post till here, about 2 children in the world have died of water poisoning? I lived in a place where water is usually unsafe to drink. The poor people were happy that they had gas to boil their water (in a large, black, dirty aluminium pot). The poor people were happy that they had a river in their village and the village further needed to walk 1km to the water source. They are happy drinking the bath water of others. Buffaloes often wash themselves and poop in the river. They call that river their blessing.

Has it crossed your mind that you actually have electricity to read this off a gadget, be it computer or your phone? I used to live in this place where it was totally dark after 6pm, and starlight guided their movements outside the house. They set up candles in the house, and work around that sooty, smelly light it gives. But at least that house had candles. Two houses away, they rather save the money for food than to splurge on candles. I had a battery-operated torch. Taddah! They haven't even seen that before. Of course, I had a mobile phone in my pocket which I shouldn't be flashing.

That is why they are happy. Of course, they could do with more money, but they could have lived without anything. They had something. That something made them happy.

If you're suffering from chronic pessimism, or depression, or melancholy, there's still one way to cure that. Go to where I have been, and live with them. They won't charge you a single cent for staying with them in their homes. It's free of charge. You'll be sleeping on a piece of cloth laid over the floor. You'll eat rice with (the same) pickles 3 times a day. And they make their own pickles using leaves (they call that vegetable, but it's nowhere near anything I've seen in my life). They add pieces of lemon (and you will eat the lemon rinds). Wash your hand in unsafe water, eat with your hand, and wash your hand. Oops. There isn't any soap.

Yet they smile all the time. All the time. If you're ever down and unhappy, think about "what could have been". Life really could have been worse, so much worse. If that has never crossed your mind, well, your life is very sheltered, and blessed.

Why are rich people unhappy?

2011-08-27T20:38:00.004+08:00

The rich is often unhappier as compared to the poor. Why are rich people unhappy?

Because the rich has achieved something, and the poor hasn't. So how does this work? Success is inversely proportional to happiness?

Yes, because the qualities to attain "absolute/objective success" i.e. an achievement that everyone unanimously applaud without much contention, could potentially make a person unhappy.

The upward climb is difficult, not just due to gravity. Heaps of stuff fall from the top, and to climb higher means you have to suffer more trash, more knocks, gain better agility to climb, tolerate the feeling of being sandwiched.

You need the drive to climb. And this drive to climb usually comes from dissatisfaction with status quo. This discontentment might potentially lead to a person achieving and achieving but never feeling satisfied. Or happy.

Or worse, the person might forget to enjoy his/her achievements, which is exactly what makes a person miserable.

Happiness is enjoying what you have. If you can't, then you will never be happy.

What makes a champion?

2011-08-27T19:56:00.001+08:00

In Singapore, we believe to a large extent that we all should be Number 1. However, this is quite impossible, or the term Number 1 would lose its meaning. How then should we reconcile being a Number 2 and accepting it? Disclaimer: this belief is more prevalent in the upper strata of society, and is not limited to only Singapore.

When should we be happy, satisfied of what we have achieved?

Is a champion an objective label of a winner, a performer, a number-one? Is a champion someone privileged, an all-rounder, someone who has a niche area?

I say a champion is one who never quits, one who tries his/her best, one who is secure in his/her abilities yet not complacent, who is keen to learn and willing to impart. This makes the term "champion" relative.

The greatest champions are possibly those who surpass themselves, to have achieved "in spite of" everything. Of course, achievement is relative too. Achievement could be easily equated to "what you want". If you want nothing, you have nothing, you have achieved everything. If you want something, you have something but not quite the thing you hope to achieve, work harder. Having done all, enjoy what you have. If you don't, achieving all you want doesn't make you happy either.

You don't have to prove to anyone anything.